A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello dear cupid,i just found this site by accident. I figure since im here i can give it a try. you all seem to be fairly good and answering questions.I am a 22 year old guy. i am single, and have been for going on 5 years. people always tell me to "just find a girl, and ask her out". to me this seems to to be easier said than done. i feel like every girl i meet is either not attractive to me, or to attractive (meaning she MUST have a boyfriend). I have tried to ask my "friends" for help, but none of them understand. When they see me, they see a tall, thin, attractive, and confident guy...but when i look in the mirror i see a pathetic, ugly, idiot.I have no issue walking onto a stage in front of hundreds of people, but put me in a room with a girl i like and i feel like a freak.Ok, i know the above paragraph probably is kind of jumbles, but the general question is "How can i change my self image, so that i can find a girlfriend?" Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Blonde68  +, writes (12 February 2011):
I am sorry to hear that you feel this way about yourself and I hope that you get some good advice.
You ask "how can I change my self image, so that I can find a girlfriend"? I personally don't think it is your self image that needs changing at all... It is your inner self that you need to change and your way of thinking. You need to start loving yourself from within, and then you will start loving your outer image. One way to start loving yourself more, is by accepting who you are. Make a list of your good points and repeat them over in your head everyday and slowly the negative thoughts will be removed from your mind.
None of us are perfect, and we all have things that we would love to change about ourselves... even the most confident of people who appear to get all the girls and guys, deep down have got an issue about something or another that they don't like about themselves so believe me, you are not alone.
Once you start actually loving yourself, this will shine through and you will then feel confident around females. Why not watch how your friends behave around girls and see if you can pick up some tips from them... girls like guys to be confident, but not cocky... they like them to be funny but not OTT.. I believe as soon as you start accepting who you are and loving yourself, this will just come naturally.
Good luck and keep us posted! Remember... do that list!
A
female
reader, Lisa206 +, writes (12 February 2011):
 Stop looking in the mirror. Mirrors only show you what you want to see, or what you don't want to see.I have my own succesful company and the turning point in my self awareness was when I saw myself in photographs with beautiful models and actresses.The camera doesn't lie, my friend.When you honestly see yourself through the eyes of a lens, you will see what others see on their first impression of you.That gives you a starting point to build your inward and outward self-images.I realized that my beautiful eyes were surrounded by an ocean of black clothing worn to hide my bulk.So I went to the gym and got a haircut. Now I know what I look like and can compare myself with others and know where I stand. And I like myself more. When you see your pictures of you then recreate your wardrobe and "look" to be how you want to look.Then go enjoy your life and don't worry about finding a girlfriend. Become someone interesting. She will find you.
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A
male
reader, drew22 +, writes (12 February 2011):
 Just be yourself and youll get the girl you like. Also show more interest in girls, try being more caring and funny with them, and look them in the eyes and give a nice warm smiles here and then.. im guessing your that type of guy that is easy going and keep to-yourself kinda guy. And remember to never rush into a relationship until you can feel it, just take your time and enjoy your single life atm. wish you all the best :)
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A
female
reader, Shelley Harris +, writes (12 February 2011):
 Hi,So many guys have this problem, when you have low self esteem and don't think much of yourself, then sub-consciously you believe no one else will either and your behaviour will reflect this. Improving your self image as you say is key, this is about your thinking patterns and the tapes you play in your head and why you tell yourself your a pathetic ugly idiot which is SO NOT TRUE, until you STOP believing that it's hard to move on, find a personal development coach/guru etc, find a confidence course, but you must start loving you first. When you do females will swarm around you. Your body language gives away how we feel and without realising people will pick up the signs and if you are not confident it will show and women will avoid you.Find that coach or find that course, you will be so glad when you have, no amount of money could possibly make up for the way you'll feel when you are OK with you.
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