| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I have been with the same guy for 4 months now...almost 5. I just recently found out he was married and has a son. When I confronted him about it he said he was going thru a divorce. Then he told me that he stays in touch with her to see his son but he is with her most of the time. He only calls on Tuesdays and Friday for me to spend the night with him at his friend's house. When I asked him about this, he said he was with her and that was the reason. He only uses me for sex but he told me his feelings still stood for me. What should I do? Is he just using me for better or more sex?
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mountainmama +, writes (22 February 2006):
Oh absolutely. He is using the classic lines of married man getting some on the side. "He is in the middle of a divorce"..."staying because of the kid"..."friend's house." The poster who said she is at work when he sees you, and is classic MM is dead on. He has the wife (who is probably not divorcing) and he has you, the side dish. Now if he told you he was married and you went along for the ride, at least you would know the truth. He lied to you from moment one though, so how can you trust a damn thing he says?You will never win. Even if his wife is fat, 98 years old and looks like a warthog, she has leverage you don't in the form of his kid. And no matter how he feels about her (to your face) he is still with her. He sounds like the typical MM who likes a special side dish. If you can accept that, go ahead, but lying (even in a relationship like this) is a one-way ticket out my door. I think I would run fast, far and screaming from him...you probably are not the first, you definitely won't be the last.
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (22 February 2006):
 Your suspicions about him are almost certainly correct. He's showing all the "classic" signs of a married man getting a little nookie on the side.
Those days that he's available? I'll bet she's at work.
The friend's house? It's probably his, but he doesn't want you to know that.
He might say that he's only with her because of their son, but unless you see some actual movement toward divorce, then it looks to me like he's not really separated at all and just using you, as you say, so he can get more sex.
It's a game, and you'll always lose. Because he's married and has a child, you'll never really have any leverage to get him to be with you.
You need to write this guy off. He's doesn't seem to be interested in a relationship, beyond what you have now. Stop giving in to the requests for sex, and you'll soon find out if he loves you, or just likes having the extra bed partner.
Remember, you're worth more. He's taking advantage of your feelings for him and that's not fair.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2006): Yes, I think he definitely is. I was in the same situation in college. The guy was a little older, not married, but had a son with a woman who I found out he actually lived with, even though he also had a roommate in an apartment. Think about how much effort he puts into your dates. Does he plan dinners or want to spend time with you other than for sleepovers? Or does he give you a bunch of broken dates and no-shows when it isn't sleepover time?If this is the case, I really advise you to cut him off. If you back off, he'll likely become very persistant. Just be strong for yourself and know that you don't ever deserve to be used. You are better than that and don't need a loser like him in your life.
...............................
|
