A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't know what to do now. I am married and had an affair with married coworker. We had fantastic relationship, spending every possible minute with each other, talking openly about everything, it was about love not sex. We both were not happy in our marriages. Everything was fine until his wife started to be so obsessed he is having an affair that he couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take it either because I didn't know what he might decide to do. He was slipping away from my hands and I was pressurise him more and more.I wanted to end up but he was keep saying that it will change. Even deleted our email account but still he didn't get the message. It end up that I had to go away for few days and since then everything collapsed. Wanted to know if he really cares about me but each time he contacted me it was so cold. I decided to reinstate the email account and say sorry for not understanding him. I only got short msg saying he is missing me. Few weeks has gone and I can't stop thinking about him. But eveytime I wanted to see him he was making some excuses. Finally I have decided to write him how I feel and the only respond I got that he needs a time to decide but he still miss me and think about me. Few days ago we meet again just for a short while. Our first meet after two months of not seeing each other outside of work. I am still confused and I don't know what sits in his head. I thought that after we see each other it will get back to normal but it is still the same. No phone calls, no emails, no msgs. I love him so much and want be with him but I just don't know what to do? Don't know if I should wait some more time or just to move on with my life now? I am taking this really badly, can't sleep, can't eat, can't function normally. What love makes with people...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Realitycheck  +, writes (4 December 2010):
 When you met this last time, why didn't you just ask him what's going on so you could get to the bottom of this trip and figure out what to do next? I know you just want things to go back to the way they were, but that isn't going to happen anymore. The jig is up. He's going to have to make a choice, this whole sneaking around thing cannot continue. You just need to be prepared to face the possibility that when he chooses, it will be for his marriage. It all depends on why he was having the affair in the first place. Was he just bored? Did he just need an ego boost? Was he paying his wife back for not focusing on him? Who knows. But you cannot live in limbo. It's not fair to you. So find out what he's going to do and be prepared to deal with it.
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