A
female
age
41-50,
*alykush
writes:ok so as stated in an early question. i am currently 27 weeks pregnant. i live with the father although we are no longer a couple. but we act very much like a couple and he still calls me his girlfriend to family and friends. i just call him my kids dad... anyways the following question is very complicated and sometimes i feel like im being very selfish about the whole thing.he has 4 kids by another woman. she has recently stated she is moving to Texas in a few weeks with the kids obviously. we all currently live in IL. so he was ok with me being pregnant we were going to learn to make it work for the baby and live together and be happy - even though we are broken up we both know we belong 2gether- so lately he's been being super mean to me telling me i need to find another apt that i can afford on my own bcuz now he is leaving. so last night he was finally calm enough to explain that he feels very torn between going to TX to be with those kids (they are ages 12-4) because he feels his older boys need him more than our soon to be newborn daughter would right now. in my mind i know how much he loves all his kids and how hard this must be. however, im really only thinking of myself and my daughter because i want him to stay in IL with us and have a chance to see her while she is little. i know how his mind works and if he misses her little stages he will be broken hearted as will i. i laid it out that its unfair for him to leave before she is born (due FEb '11) .he told me flat out he feels if he goes to TX he will feel like he is telling me and the baby to EFF OFF and 4get you you're not important, and vice versa if he stays in IL... am i being selfish that i want him here? i love his kids i really do im not the wicked evil step mom that hates them lol we hang out all the time and they are like my own kids. i just want him here with our daughter too... anyone who can offer SOLID advice please do... Reply to this Question
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (4 December 2010):
 While you may feel like you belong together, I'm not sure he feels the same way. In fact, I'm quite sure he wouldn't agree with that statement. If that were the case, you would still be a couple and the thought of leaving you and your baby wouldn't even cross his mind.
It's promising for you that he doesn't like the idea of leaving you. But I would venture his not wanting to leave is more due to the baby on the way than hopes of a relationship continuing with you.
It's not selfish for you to want your baby's father to be a part of her life. What you're feeling is normal and expected. I just wouldn't hold out too much hope for this guy. He's basically told you he's moving when he told you to find your own place. Make sure you get the info you'll need for child support because unfortunately that's about all I can see him contributing to the care of your daughter. I don't trust his track record.
I apologize if this sounds harsh, it's not meant to be. He has given you a lot of very bad signals though.
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