A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:First of all I got married 2 years ago, and I love my husband to death. I am 23 yrs old. I believe my husband´s best friend is attracted to me, or he´s just trying to play some kind of a game thinking that I will fall for it. He is 30, married and has 2 kids.When I first met them I was friendly with him and his wife. I look at them in the eyes when I spoke to them and with a smile. I believe thats where my husbands friend got the wrong message because they come from a different background. Now everytime we see him, the guy always stares at me. This other time he was over our house with his little girl and everytime he would kiss his daughter he would look at me. He tries to make any reason to be around me. He is so nice to me, he is not even like that with his own wife. I dont know if I am taking this to serious but my husband´s other friends dont do this. Now I do avoid him, I barely talk to him, because I do not want him to get the wrong message, but the thing is that he calls my husband every weekend to go over their house , which sometimes I dont let my husband.no I didnt tell my husband nothing, he said that he is one of his friends that he can trust with everything. Now I dont know if I am just thinking too much, or is there a way to have any more proof (then I can talk to my husband) because I really dont want this guy around me if he is like that. I mean any advice would be greatThanks.
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male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (26 January 2010):
She is NOT trying to do any such thing!
Neither does she think her Husband wants her to!
She is seeing signals that her HB's best friend may have an attraction to her, and she is NOT happy about it! Her husband is tructing and oblivious to the existance of the problem. She is just trying to find the best way to make her husband less oblivious, and to find a comfortable, noin-dramatic way to solve the problem moving forward in love and trust with her husband!
Her motives sound good and honest as near as I have been able to read, and she deserves our sympathy and our help.
In the meantime - OP. I don't think there's much you would be able to learn from my story that would apply directly to yours. They are very different, and mine is a very long, complicated one. One that I am not really ready to share.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2010): i think you are mis reading the signs from your hb. he is NOT giving you any signs that he wmats you to get it on with his best friend. Dammit he trusts you therefore he is not concerned about you cheating on him. Stop looking for clues as to whther you are getting signs from hubby. Maybe your hb is just ignorant and trust YOU AND HIS BEST FRIEND. of course your hb has to shower after his hair is cut.of course you need transport to get to work if the hubby is using the car. stop it, and stop it NOW. you will get burnt young lady, you will get burnt badly if you try to make whoopie with your husbands best friend. be very very careful.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, and I am sorry your situation didnt turn out good,
I actually did talk to my husband last night but did not say all the details, because I know how my husband is. He would probably just call him right away and say something so there goes trouble. He was over last night AGAIN, so after he left I told my husband that his friend is wierd, just the way he stares at me, but my husband said that he didnt notice it, of course not because the guy is not stupid to do it while my husband is watching.
I dont know but it just makes me wonder because even my husband gives this guy a chance to be so much around me, if I had an appointment or something far away and my husband had to take the car to work, hes like o he (his friend) can take you there, which it only happened ones because I refused. Also when he comes to cut my husbands hair, my husband goes in the shower leaving both us alone, which I had to go in the kitchen pretend to do something, and other little things that I can go on. I dont know, will see what happens.
I know this is not the worst thing, but I just wanted to prevented so it doesnt become the worst.
Again thanks for you time, and you can tell me about your situation, maybe I´ll learn something from that:)
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A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (25 January 2010):
I can certainly sympathise with the confusion and doubt that comes around when our hearts begin asking uncomfortable questions and our minds don't have great answers!I wish you the best of luck, and hope your situation turns out better than mine did!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFirst of all thank you for taking your time to answer my question. I am going to take your advice for talking to my husband. I didnt do that until now because my husband knows this guy over 10 yrs, and he really trusts him. I just thought that first my husband would not understand and I dont want to ruin their relationship. I will try to just say it in a joking way and then maybe tell him to watch this guy next time. So will see what happens.
again thank you, sometimes you know whats the right thing to do, but you just need someone elses opinion.
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A
male
reader, empty-1 +, writes (23 January 2010):
Herin lies the problem - "Then I can talk to my husband"
Honey, you're married. You gave over a portion of your identity to him every bit as much as he did to you. If you want your marriage to flourish and grow and thrive to its fullest and most fulfilling potential, share everything you can with one another. Even, in fact, especially, the silly things.
Don't sound accusitory, just ask you husband if he's noticed the way this guy goes out of his way to treat you real nice, and to stare at you at every oppertunity. Tell your husband it sometimes makes you a little uncomfortable.
Even if (and he probably will) your husband tells you you're overreacting, and it's nothing - that's just how "he" is, etc, that's fine. Don't turn it into an argument. Just say, Yeah, I figured I was maybe being a little paranoid, but it still makes me feel a little weird.
Your husband will (because he's a guy, and thus wired kinda backwards in the head region) likely blow it off after that. At least, in front of you. He will also, however, take his friend aside and let him know (in a joking, nonconfrontational, and friendly way, but nonetheless on no uncertain terms) that this behavior is unwelcome. If you handle it gently, and don't turn it into a drama, it probably won't even hurt their friendship in the least.
If the guy, after a few more weeks doesn't get any better (or gets even worse) let your husband know that it's starting to creep you out, and that you'd like to avoide that guy for awhile. If you come saying something like that after he's already had one conversation, there will be another, and it will be less joking in nature. Possibly still friendly and all, but there will be no room for question after the second.
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