A
female
age
41-50,
*lla123
writes:I think my husband may be attracted to his co-worker at his new job of 6 weeks. We've been married for 11 months but have been together as a couple for 10 years. I am now 7 months pregnant. They are one the phone everyday even after office hours. I know it's silly to be jealous, but I noticed that when he talked to her on the phone, his tone is different. When I mentioned this to him, he said that it's all about work. But how can someone be talking about work everyday, and I MEAN EVERYDAY even after "work hours"? I met her once. She's slim, tall, and pretty, and single with two adopted 3 years old twins. Maybe because I'm pregnant, so I feel fat and ugly plus with some paranoia with the raging hormone, so I'm may feel a bit insecure and silly. I never get jealous over the 10+ years we've been together; and this is the first time. I hate feeling this way. It's ruining our relationship. We usually have a very lovely relationship until she came into the picture.He can work from home, but he chooses to go to the office because claims that he can focus more. I don't know how true that is since there's on one else at home.I trusted him until recently. He may not cheat on me, but I have a feeling that she may be developing feelings for him, and he's not taking steps to prevent this from potentially leading to something more. Generally, he is a very considerate and kind man, and that was the whole reasonw why I fell in love in the beginning. We started out as friends and later a couple. Given our history, I'm just worry that something may start between them similiarly.What should I do? I confronted him and he said I'm silly and being irrational. But I'm just very depressed and cry constantly over this with lost sleep and anger and sadness deep withing.
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female
reader, TaylorChu +, writes (8 July 2007):
 1) It isnt silly to be jealous or curious as to why he is talking to this woman. You have that right as a wife to know what is going on with your husband.2) Work is work and home is home. By him talking to her about work during his off time is stealing time from YOU. The energy he is putting into yakking with her on the phone is energy that is to be directed to you. Tell him you are offended by this and what will he do to remedy this.As a wife you have to be extremely protective of how other women approach your man. And you have to point out to him when another woman is crossing your marriage boundaries. If you ever pick up the phone and it is her tell her not to call your home and to only talk to your husband AT WORK. If she refuses or he calls her then you need to lay down the law. 3) You are pregnant. Why is he talking to another woman? You come first all day everyday and the same for him in your life. I am sure if you were talking to other men on the phone he would have said something about it because he would be hurt and you have to show him that aspect. You are being hurt by his actions. Work ended when he walked through that door. Any husband should want to be with his wife all the time. Using off hours to be at the office (I know it depends on the job) is a sign that he doesnt want to be home. You will have to get to the bottom of this. Oh, and you know what, whenever someone pulls out the "you are pregnant, emotional, irrational and etc card" YOU STICK IT RIGHT BACK TO THEM. Dont take that crap. You may have a myriad of emotions swirling about but you are in control of them and you are not suffering from them like it is Tourettes syndrome. The situation is HIS actions not your emotions. Stick it to him with all seriousness that you feel you can not trust him and how he is behaving. I wish you the best in this situation and that he sees how close he is to loosing you with this sort of thing. Do not internalize "well maybe it is because I have gain BABY weight and etc." Be stronger than this!!! He married you for you and any and all changes you may go through. To be put off by physical changes at the beginning of your marriage would be shallow for you and him. You need to operate above this thinking. Tell him it is time to talk and lay it out plainly.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (8 July 2007):
 It sounds as if your hormones are a little out of alignment. You need to get some support at this time of your life. You are also the one who knows your husband best. So if you notice he's a little more animated around this other woman, you might be on to something.
This doesn't mean he's about to cheat on you but keep your eyes open. As you can see from this site, it's an easy trap for even the most honest person to fall into. Now that you've made your observation know to your husband, see how he reacts. He may be excited about his new job. The other woman is probably attractive too. That does not mean he is going to do anything. He has probably always been around attractive women.
You've made your point. As long as you give this woman room to grow in your head, she will. Carry on with your life but keep your eyes open. This is a tough one to call as you have to trust but be wise at the same time.
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A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (8 July 2007):
 Catch 22 situation here by the sounds of it.
Ok your pregnant and your hormones are all over the place and like you said you feel fat and unattractive.
You are beautiful and pregnant with your husbands baby.
How you are feeling at the moment with very low self esteem may be pushing your husband to the office more, not that i think this justifies it, i just think some men are not capible of dealing with us when we are pregnant.
My husbands tone changes when he is on the phone to women and it becomes almost flirty but i do not let that worry me as it is just his personality.
The way you are feeling at the moment is not going to do you or the baby any good, so you really need to explain your fears with your husband and tell him its making you feel ill.
Take care.xx.
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