A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I think my husband is cheating on me!I know this is true because of the things he’s been doing to me and my kids.His behaviour has changed dramatically towards me ion the last two months and I could really kill right him this very moment. Let me tell you that I’m no fool. I’ve notice the subtlest things while he’s thinking that I don’t know a thing. I’m SO angry now.Like for instance he has pretty much stopped pestering me for sex (probably some ugly bitch is providing him with an all you can eat buffet), he returns 4 hours late every night (he never even returned one night with no explanation), he keeps on walking the dog even though he hates her, on several occasions the bastard has missed several school plays that my daughter is in, he was 2 hours late to our 5 year old son’s birthday and when he finally did show up he was jealous of the attention I was giving him – madness.And in his anger he dropped the cake when he was bringing it in causing mayhem all round. In the evening he said that I treated my son better then him by just organising a party. He was horribly dirty to me and said that my interest in him was more then a mother-son relationship should ever be and other sadistic things that I won’t mention. I think he was too drunk to remember what he said that night but I was so shocked. It was so unlike him to say such evil things and all the ten years I’ve known this man NEVER seen him to erupt so much and become monstrous. I don’t know what’s happened to him but I suspect that he is having an affair but I don’t know why he has started to treat his own children so awfully and his own wife with such disregard. I’m starting to get tearful now and I’m sorry that I had to share my problem with you but I can’t tell anyone because I feel terrible. God, I’m starting to loose the plot. Is it me who is causing this? I feel like it is, it probably is. I love him but I just feel muddled.
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female
reader, glittergirl  +, writes (29 January 2009):
Here is what you should do-
1. Pack his bags.
2. Leave them outside the front door.
3. Change the locks.
4. Tell him that he needs professional help and that you do not intend to let a bum be your husband and children's father.
Any man that would stay out at all hours of the night AND make accusations about the nature of his son and wife's relationship is a pig.
A
female
reader, salvadda  +, writes (29 January 2009):
 I feel very sad for you. The letter you wrote in anger/hurt is a somewhat a good way to let your feelings out. I do think your reasons are valid. Being with someone for many years as you have can change things. We are caught up into work, children, bills, repairs to the home, stresses, and many more things that can come between ppl. This is hard to answer because all things you described do sound tipical. When you wrote you loved him I believe you, which makes it harder on person. Sometimes there is recetment in marriages, realatity sets in *family life* is not the way you thought it would be, and ppl change. I dare ask you if you can put your anger aside to talk with him. Someone has to be the better person. Since you reached out, I might ask that it be that person. Do you/can you have anyone to look after your children? Can you and hubby get away for a bit, maybe 2 days? This may not solve anything, but it can get both of you away from the stress/distractions. Be honest but non conforntational, because that will only put him on the defence. It will also give both of you some down time, to maybe try to became closer. Commuications is the most inportant without judging or accusing.This is where you have to be strong. It is not weak to ask for help. If you really want this to work you be the hero and tell him you would want it to work it out and do what ever it takes. I will say seak out counselling, this is nothing to be ashamed of. What you say in counselling stays there and it will give both of you a change to be honest with eachother where there is someone to set bonderies for both of you. If the counsellor is good he/she will give you projects to do in your everyday life. It is not easy for anyone to live with stress, secerts, pain, guilt, etc usually they will become anger and that is not healthy for both of you and most inportant of all your children. Who you may think don't have any idea of what's going on, but remember they hear and see all. They become the flies on the way that ppl don't see in because they are so caught up in what's going on. I do hope you will take this into heart. Try before you say goodbye.My prayers are with you...*hugs*
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 January 2009):
 Most people have gut instincts, but don't follow through on then. We rationalize and analyse everything and because we want things to either stay the same or be something it's not, we pretend everything is "fine".
Marriage is hard work. It can be quite happy IF both parties put the work into it. From what you wrote he is not putting ANY work into it, he is however tearing it down brick by brick with his passive aggressive behavior. It cold easily be because he is cheating. He's been painting you as this horrible wife ( You know married people who cheat are some of the biggest liars out there) And by his behavior he is trying to project that image onto you.
First off, it sounds like your sex life was in the dumps before his behavior went nasty or am I wrong? Most marriage are about more then sex, but I can tell you this if the SEX works in the marriage a lot of the other "stuff" works so much better too.
The two of you have rotten communication. And I suggest you have someone watch the kids an afternoon/evening and sit down and TALK ( no shouting, crying, accusing.. just talking) You have to.
Then you HAVE to take the time to decide what YOU want to do. If it ends up with you deciding to divorce then my best advice is to take the time to get ALL your ducks in a row. Then get a lawyer. If you decide to give your married a second try then you need to get some couples counseling. It will help the two of you more then you think.
First on your list should be talking.
Ps For a mom to throw her child a birthday bash is 100% normal. For him to resent his own kids and you for it is just so absurd.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (29 January 2009):
If you are this angry with him and things have got to this point then I would seriously suggest some time apart at the very least.
See if he can go and stay with friends for a week or so, or a hotel if that is an option.
Book in for marriage counselling and have a serious yet calm talk about whether you want to be together any more or not.
Good Luck!! xx
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