A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, think that my husband is staying late at work to chat up with his female co-worker via online. Ive seen him change diff towards me. He's not as attentive. He is very rude to me when I ask him if he can make it home earlier, and then when h comes home he just goes straight to bed. Also, ive seen her txt him with non-work related things on her cellphone talking about her family. When I hae gone through the phone because of my suspicion he reacts very defesively to me. Like, I know his boss and he talks to us, would it be wrong of me to confide in his boss and tell him how I think that those two have something going on since apparent strange things happen and they revolve alwas around her? I asked my husband to txt and say that I dont apprciate her txting him offhours like that but he didnt act. Therefore, showing my concern to his boss is not something that I like to do but I feel that maybe he can really look into this since Im very concerned and worried. Please tell me what I should do.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2008): I am so sorry if what I say may sound rude, but I want you to think about it:If this is the way you think and your mind operates (talking to his boss over this), then he may have reasons to look for another woman.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2008): Absolutely do not talk to his boss. This is a private matter between husband and wife. Handle it any other way you wish, but not that way. If you are wrong, your husband will instantly be diminished in the eyes of the boss, probably become a laughing stock and you also will look foolish and insecure.
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A
female
reader, bigkahunaswife +, writes (25 May 2008):
I am having the same problem, but talking to the boss is a bad idead. You need to check his phone or phone bill get a number or text from the other women and confront her. I found the coworkers phone number on the bill and he knows I have it. If he loves you and he knows you have the info to call him out on it then he will stop. If not then kick him to the curb, you deserve more respect. When they stop respecting you then you have nothing. I have groveled for months now begged and pleaded and Im done. his infatuation with this girl at work is going to cost him 22 years of marriage and everything he has. I hope its worth it. As for you dont beg, put your foot down collect info and if yu know anything about computers or someone who does there are ways you ca find out who hes chatting to. Check the history, phone bill etc take back whats yours or kick him to the curb. good luck!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, kittikat +, writes (24 May 2008):
 I agree with Eddie, talking to the boss won't get you anywhere. Your husband's personal life doesn't really have much to do with work. Yes, he's friendly with a co-worker, but it's not your boss's place to get involved with that. You do need to have a "come to Jesus" talk with your hubby. If he doesn't want to help ease your concerns than he's not helping the situation is he? None of us can tell you whether or not your husband is cheating and I can tell you from experience that sneaking around trying to find "clues" and answers will make you crazy. Once you're suspicious, any little thing he does becomes amplified in your mind. If he's home 15 minutes late, you'll be thinking it's because he pulled over to chat with this girl, etc...It doesn't even dawn on you that maybe he got stuck in traffic or whatever. Seriously, our minds will twist everything into a clue. You need to tell him what you think and how serious it is- if he's not willing to change his behavior to put your mind to rest than you both need to re-evaluate your relationship. I know it's hard because he might be thinking you're over-reacting because it's very innocent, etc..But no matter how innocent it may be- you've asked him to stop, you've asked him to tell her to stop and if there's no action there, it's very disrespectful. Hopefully with more open lines of communication you two can come to an understanding. Just DO NOT go to the boss. It's not his business and you could cause major damage.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (24 May 2008):
 Talk to your husband, not his boss. That is the worst idea I've ever heard. It is none of his bosses business. Don't amke it so.
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