A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband is a personal trainer, I work upstairs from his studio. He trains this one girl and all he does is giggle and flirt with her. He swears that he doesn't but it's SOOOO obvious to me! What do I do??? I think it's disrespectful to me but he wouldn't listen if I said this - just that I'm jealous and worrying unneccesarily... While I trust him - we have an open relationship (sex only - no emotional relationships allowed), I'm worries and I think it's innappropriate. She had a miscarriage recently and he went and told her about a miscarriage that I had before. I don't know what to do, I find it so upsetting and then he just dismisses my feelings saying he chats like that with all of his clients. BS!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 December 2016):
 If you are in a open relationship then flirting should not bother you as that is generally what leads to sex. I think you really need to think about what you want, surely if you are having sex with others here is so,e emotion involved at times? If you want a open relationship then flirting is going to be part off that. If you don't then talk to him.
A
female
reader, blueskyday  +, writes (17 December 2016):
Considering you're both adults, I think you should have an open talk to with him. Tell him exactly how you feel. If you truly want an open relationship, you wouldn't care that he's flirting. Who's idea was it for the open relationship? Regardless of your situation, you're his wife and at the end of the day, you're who he goes home to. He likely cares about your happiness so just give him a chance to explain his side too. If you don't want to be that bold, why not go downstairs occasionally when she is there, just to maybe even remind her that you do exist.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (15 December 2016):
 First of all, sorry for your loss. Did you both get help/support after the miscarriage?
If your gut feeling it telling you something is not right between your husband and this "client", then you probably need to take note. The fact that he told this "client" about your miscarriage (details which are very personal to you and not for sharing with "clients") would worry me too. Also the fact that she shared details of her loss with him.
Why do you feel the need to have an "open" relationship (for "open" read "not committed")? Was this your idea or his? What is the point of being married to each other if one/both of you are screwing around? I really don't get it.
You two need to decide whether you want to be together or not. If you do, then stop messing around with other people and concentrate on your relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2016): [EDIT]: "Controversial life-styles have complicated and unusual complications."
Correction: Controversial life-styles have complex and unusual complications.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2016): Thus the trials and tribulations of having an open-relationship, or marriage. If it's open, anything might just walk-in. You're dealing with human emotions and behavior here, my dear.
Wedding-vows are not just idle-promises meant to be changed according to impulse and convenience. They are a binding-contract said before witnesses. If you have chosen to modify your marriage-contract to open it to sex, you are also risking the feelings attached to it. You are a woman/human being, and you know sex might also stir the feelings and emotions.
How do you expect him to follow such rules, when you don't abide by the rules of commitment attached to marriage? When gays fought for the right to marry; so many rules and moral arguments were debated as to how it is to be defined and instituted.
He has the flexibility and objectivity to his advantage. He may be interested only in sex, but doesn't that start with attraction? They have a client-to-trainer relationship; giving them reason to spend time together. They get quite physical in the process. They are likely to get to know each other. However; you forgot to include the statute that there is to be no exchange of personal and private information regarding either party. Without such party's consent.
Open-relationships are the riskiest of all relationships. They invite and permit other people into a normally closed-situation.
Controversial life-styles have complicated and unusual complications. Do they not? So you have to be prepared for the unexpected.
He had no right to divulge something so personal about you to a client, without your consent. That should be addressed and dealt with. It has upset you, and opened sensitive wounds. It's not something you just share with simply anybody. Therefore; I get your point! It's quite intimate.
If you are only having an open-relationship because your husband requires one; then do what your heart tells you to do. Or is it a condition or compromise that has been set, manipulated from guilt? Perhaps the time has now come to rewrite the by-laws of the open-arrangement you have. It obviously requires to be amended and some added stipulations.
If you are feeling he's getting too chummy with this new client, speak your heart. You even have a right to end it. It's also your business and your marriage. You're his wife. Lay down the rules, if he expects you to do the same.
Either consider my suggestions; or close the marriage as you seem to really want deep-down. Poly-amorous and open relationships of any sort aren't usually meant to be indefinite. They have a shelf-life and expiration-date before going sour. They usually bring themselves to some kind of conclusion. Unfortunately; most often not to everyone's benefit. What's the point if it's not win-win for all involved?
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