A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So, I've been in a relationship with the same girl for over five years - off and on - more on than off, though. We've had ups and downs and have mostly worked through them.Problem as of late is that I think she's cheating on me, maybe she isn't but she's definitely acting shady.For about a month now, she's kept her cell phone impossibly close to her - always in her pocket, even when she's in the shower. She used to not care where she left it. I'd find it on the counter, by the bed, on the coffee table. I only noticed it one day b/c my phone was not working and I needed to call my mom and couldn't find the phone. It was in her pants pocket on the bathroom floor while showering and she told me no, I couldn't use it right then.My phone completely died, so I had to rely on the use of hers occasionally. However, when I needed to make a call (always to my mom), she would scroll through her contacts list, locate the number and hit send for me. I'm 26 years old and am fully capable of handling that myself. It happened a total of 3 times before I mentioned something to her about it, telling her it was kind of fishy.Immediately, she starts leaving her phone laying around again, so naturally I try and sneak a peek at things. It's completely blank - no texts, no calls even when she received a message less than an hour ago.She has started a new job around the same time frame and since starting this job, she comes home everyday excited and hyped up to the point where she is talking ridiculous fast and appears almost out of breath. Sure, I'm glad she likes the new work, but really??Additionally, she stated she would not add any of her coworkers to her social networking sites as this has caused problems in the workplace before. So, cue my surprise when I see that she's got several (all female) coworkers added to one of the sites. Double that surprise when I try to send a text to my mom regarding an event and see that the last two most recent recipients were two girls she works with.So here's where I approach her about it. I just flat out ask if she likes anyone else. No, she doesn't she says. I then ask if she has associated with this girl outside of work. She lies and says no, that she's only talked to her in order to add her to her social networking account. Immediately, I feel betrayed because if it were simple work-related conversation or friendly chit chat, there would be no reason to omit the truth. So, I call her on it. I tell her about the text I just sent my mom and how these two girls were the most recent recipients.Well, she flies off the handle. Calls me crazy and says I'm making things up (with much worse language, I assure you). She says I'm snooping into her things, and yes I will admit that I looked at her phone as I said earlier, I have never denied it. It's almost impossible for me to have zero contact with her phone right now because mine is shut off.So, she chews me out and makes me feel like I might be wrong. But my gut is still telling me something is up.In addition to these things, she's recently asked for a haircut, bleached out her hair, waxed her eyebrows and shaved her legs. Now honestly, I can't get her to do all these things in the same month even if I beg.Also, she's pushing for sex lately and given that we haven't shown any real interest in each other sexually since all this started, I find it strange.(I'm speaking from a point of view back when I was experiencing this for myself and I wanted to be with someone else-- I am positive I exhibited the same exact behavior, including wanting sex from her even though she's not the one I really wanted... it's convenient.)I'm not sure what to do. She clears her phone out and clears her computer of everything. She steadily going to work earlier and coming home later. She gets home around 6:15-6:30 these days and the office she works in shuts down at 5:30 on the nose.I need suggestions. I've approached her rationally without accusing and gotten nowhere. She's thrown up walls and shouted at me immediately rather than assure me that she loves me. (In fact, the first thing she said was I was crazy and paranoid and the very last thing she said an hour later was that she loves me. Yeah, that felt great.)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2009): This crazy because are problems are the same in a lot of ways when my girlfriend lost her job she always seemed to tired for me she took her phone where ever she went come to find out she cheatin on facebook with other men it was crazy then a guy called her phone after she went through before she went to bed and he describe the whole house to me and told me she said she wasn't engaged so be your detective and find out what's going on
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, we *are* lesbians, hon. We're both girls...
I've been with her five years and seen her start several jobs and never behave like this.
I'd be happy for her if it was really her just being happy. I've been down this road with her before. When she's just happy, she's not secretive at all.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (25 August 2009):
 There's a saying...just because i'm paranoid, doesn't mean their not out to get me!' I have been accused of being paranoid in the past, then it turned out I was actually being lied to. So my instincts were right.
The phone business is enough to convince me that there is something going down. But if you have asked and been told no, I'm not too sure what else you can do? For now you will just have to wait it out and it will be proved at some point, if there is something untoward going on, it always is proved! Obviously we only hear one side of things on here, and there could be other factors that come into it, like you being overly paranoid and this is making her seem more secretive, when really she just wants some peace so avoids you seeing ANY txt messages, just in case you read into the smallest thing that isn't really there and kick off!
The sex bit baffles me, as if I have gone off someone, I dont want to sleep with them. But the rest would have me wondering x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009): Have you tries saying these things to her in a calm fashion. If you still arent happy and dont trust her then maybe its time to end it. I dont suggest you do anymore snooping its very rare you find out anything good about yourself that way.
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