A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi im a 20 year old female and im always stressed out and always have been since i can remember, even at my boyfriend who doesnt even do anything really wrong. Im so upset and angry all the time i think sometimes its about my past, i always have nightmares and im scared to go to sleep. I was sexually abused as a child by a teenage boy when i was 6 or 7 who used to babysit me while my mum went to work, also growing up my mum used to batter me and my siblings if we did the slightist thing wrong and my perents fought all the time not just shouting but they used to punch kick and beat each other ever since i was about 8. They got a divorce when i was 16 and things started to get better for everyone but im always angry - i was so bad at one point i used to have nightmares that i would hurt people which i hated cuz i would never do that when i was awake! If some one brushed past me in the street i would want to really hurt them in the most disturbing ways!Please help me i dont want to feel like this anymore as my health isnt that great i have pains in my stomach and heart when im stressed and i feel weak, sick and tired most days. What shall i do im scared just incase someone thinks im a freak if i talk face to face to someone. My boyfriend of 9 and half months doesnt no any of this he just thinks im really hormonal. I love him so much and dont wanna loose him. Help ive heard that being so stressed can kill you and i really dont wanna die young, i just want to block out my past and be happy and move on with my life with my boyfriend help
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi i just wanted to thank you for your comments but i also wanted to ask a question im really sorry but for years this has also been playing on my mind there wasnt just an older lad there was a younger lad but the younger lad is the one i feel worse about beacuse some times i feel i was to blame, the younger lad used to stay with me and my siblings at my grans. there was one night at my grans i was sleep in my grans lounge and i had been woken up to him lifting my nightie and i didnt no wot to do i didnt do or say anything i just closed my eyes and let him do it i felt his penis between my legs i feel sick to my stomach thinking about this. every chance he got he would try and stay round mine or tell his mum that i could stay round his i dont understand why i didnt say i dont want to or no or do something about it why didnt i do anything im so angry wih my self i just want to forget (both lads are my cousins)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for your comments guys :) i really appreciate it while actually writing this down i felt a little at ease the comments were great thank you
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A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries +, writes (25 August 2009):
 from what i've read you have had a very traumatic experience and because of everything you've seen i think you feel it's difficult to let anyone come close to you and ask whats wrong or you can't stand to be in a confrontation with someone because of the way you've been brought up to resort to situations like you said someone nudges you and you want to hit them.
it's not because you're a spiteful person it's because it's the only way you've ever known in life.
you've clearly got alot of anger and upset built up inside of you and obviously been through so much rubbish throughout your life and never really talked to someone about it, no-one should ever think you're a freak they should want to help you and only help you not judge you those people who do judge you are not worth your time or effort.
you love your boyfriend and want to stop hurting him then i think you should come clean about everything help him understand you more and you can both go through this together a problem shared is a problem halved as they say and he should help you.
i strongly suggest that you see a therapist about your anger issues and about your hurt throughout your past.
talking to a counsellor as well can help you address the issues and your feelings i think you telling your boyfriend will help you so much and be a weight off your mind and help your anger and upset towards him because otherwise you'll keep pushing him so far away he'll get fed up and leave, but if he knows as to why you have these issues he can stay and help you as much as he can.
he loves and cares for you and i am sure he doesn't want to see someone he loves so much go through pain like this and take things out on people they love.
trust me i know i do it!
i bottle up my feelings i know i shouldn't but i do i'm also 20 years old and i get so angry because i've kept it to myself i take things out on people i really care about and whom i know care about me.
i try to help myself because i feel they're my issues and i shouldn't sometimes YOU also need that someone to listen to your poblems and carry a load from your mind while you try and sort out bits you feel you can sort out.
if you got any other issues or problems please don't hesitate to message me :)
i'm more than happy to talk with you privately on here.
just pop a message i'll get back to you when i can.
i hope this helps and i wish you the very best of luck :)
x ilovebowsandcherries x
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