A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am pondering a situation that occurred with my girlfriend after had been living together for just over a year. The evidence points to the possibility of her having a threesome with her best friend and her best friend’s boyfriend.It looks on the surface anyways that she had a threesome with them because:She wanted to go out for drinks with me and them but I wasn’t to fond of the other guy so I said no. This made her very mad and she was angry at me when she left.She got drunk. She called me and told me she was totally drunk.She stayed out all night and never came home. She called me at 230 in the morning to inform me she was going to spend the night at her best friends. The tone of her voice indicated she was still mad at me.Next day she came home at noon. Her tone had changed and she was nice and sheepish, unusual for someone who normally carries anger for a long time.When we discussed the evening with her friends there was no mention of any offers of a threesome or any discussion about anything unusual. She lied by omission when talking about her night to me. I found out by accident. When her friend was over and she started talking about it and then discovered I was home. She said guess what "my friend asked me to have a threesome with her boyfriend and.." when she realized I was there and went into denial mode. This led to a huge fight. She "gaslit" me and was always able to become the victim because I had questions and needed reassurance. She had a huge female crush on her best friend and would always talk about how beautiful she was. I later learned that they both were asking her to join them for the threesome. She always seemed to be led by this person.Her best friend was planning a wedding and my gf was supposed to be the maid of honor but instead her best friend threw her out of the wedding party and ended their friendship. My thought around this is who wants to be in a wedding party with a maid of honor who slept with the bride and groom. This happened very shortly after I found out maybe two weeks later. I have done a lot of research on this topic and I have learned that apparently women who engage in threesomes with their close female friends almost always destroy the friendship. I have discussed it with her and she strongly denies that she had a threesome and is angry when I tell her a small part of me thinks she did it. However, cheaters always lie even in the face of overwhelming evidence. The number of facts point to a very strong possibility that she did in fact have sex with them that night. I will always have some doubt in my mind about her regarding this matter even though I really want to believe her 100%. I will never be able to believe her 100%.I want to know if your readers think she had a threesome.She will not admit it and does not allow any discussion on the topic.
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best friend, crush, drunk, threesome, wedding Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2016): She did it, she did it just to get back at you for something petty, and she has lied about it ever since. That is 3 strikes.
You know what you have to do. End it.
Tell her if she wants to save this relationship then she can take (and pay for) a polygraph about it. Seriously. This IS a reasonable demand for you to make in light of the situation.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 March 2016):
 I agree you are WAY obsessing over this.
IF you are so sure she DID have a 3-some and cheated on you, END the relationship. Because she obviously is not someone you can or will ever trust again.
She doesn't have to tell you the truth if you are breaking up. If you NEED to truth in order to forgive and move on.. (which it doesn't really seem like you want to do) it's a different matter. However SHE stands by her version. She stands by NOTHING happened. And no matter what I don't think she will change her mind.
Which leaves you with... your own educated guess, distrust and doubt. So... I'd suggest instead of OBSESSING over the event, you decide whether you want to BE with her or not.
Every one if us (aunties and uncles) can agree or disagree with whether she cheated or not... DOESN'T mean we are right. ALL you can go by is the facts that you DO have. And those are... you no longer trust her.
You have 2 choices:
1. work on rebuilding trust, forgiveness and moving on.
2. End it because there IS no possibility of you ever trusting her again.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 March 2016):
 Okay, to be honest, and you should believe me on this.. the point is NOT whether she had a threesome or not. The point is that she has lied to you, been dishonest, there are things she wont tell you, and you do not trust her. All of these things are BAD ENOUGH BY THEMSELVES. Whether she did or did not have a threesome, these other matters by themselves are reason to end the relationship. If you do not trust your partner, you should not be with them!
Breaking up is not something you do for punishment, or something you can only do if the other admits to cheating. You are justified in breaking up when you no longer trust your partner or want to be with them for any reason you have. It is your right to say, this person isn't who I want to spend my time with, I am not happy with this relationship.
I think if you do not trust her, you should not be with her. Even if she did not have a threesome she has been hiding things from you and lying about things and the mistrust itself is going to become a bigger problem over time and both of you are going to resent the other. Being accused of cheating when you haven't done it is as bad as being cheated on, in my opinion. So you are both at fault here and you are both miserable. Time to put an end to the pain and move on with your lives.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (9 March 2016):
 Is there sufficient evidence to suspect that she had a threesome? Yes. She admitted that she was offered to do it, and you heard it.
Is there conclusive evidence that she did have a threesome? No.
Will you ever find out conclusively if she did or not? Unlikely that you will ever know for sure. She will not admit even if she did it.
So you are left between the choice to believe that your suspicion is true or accept her word which you don't seem to trust much.
I don't know how long you have known here for, but if it is longer then a year, yet you still harbor lot of mistrust, then such mistrust has to come out from somewhere. I suspect most of the mistrust is the affection you notice that she has for that other girl. I'm sure that if I was in a situation that at any time my GF would be willing to have sex with another woman, I doubt I'd be with her for too long. Eventually, impulses to commit infidelity are huge. So if I was to decide what to do, I would consider all this plus what are my aims in this relationship: if it is a serious, marriage potential, that aim would be seriously dented with this event.
... or all this could be your insecurity... which brings us back to the original conclusion. You have to make a choice whom will you believe: will you believe that your suspicion is true or will you believe that her denial is true.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (9 March 2016):
How much are you going on and on about this? It sounds like you are frankly obsessed by it.
If you don't trust her then break up with her. Obsessing over it is not healthy for either of you.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (9 March 2016):
 Ok here's my take on this.
Maybe she did. Maybe she didn't. But the question is, do you really think that reassurance from a bunch of strangers on the internet will save your relationship?
If you doubt her then I think it's pretty much doomed. No matter who says what, it'll always play on your mind. "I will never be able to believe her 100%." Your words OP.
I dont think that anyone can help you simply because this is something which no one but your girlfriend can say with certainty. Even if she *has* done it, she'll lie about it. Even if she hasn't done it, you'll find it hard to believe her because all evidence points to the contrary. Sorry but this looks like a no-win situation for you
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