A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I think my gf is cheating on me. she takes her cell phone everywhere she goes, to the bathroom, even in the shower. when i got the chance t look through her phone i saw text messages to another guy. now she claims that her and this guy are just "friends" but some of the messages i saw were a little too friendly. you dont call a friend pet names. she has been very sneaky lately, and she never talks to this so called "friend" on the phone in front of me. she texts him all the time and she usually erases the messages and when i asked why she says " i know you look through my phone and i dont want you to get the wrong idea from our "jokes". but when you send someone a message the first thing in the morning at 8am saying "good morning sunshine" then there is a problem. does anyone have any suggestions on how i can find out if she is really cheating? what about those bugs from the movies that record conversations? am i just paranoid? please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2007): Sorry, but she's cheating. Been there and done that.
A
male
reader, DV1 +, writes (10 June 2007):
 It's not worth working out. At the same time, you're guilty for looking through her phone. That's a big no-no. You need to learn to trust her enough not to look through her things. If it's that bad that you felt the need to, it's definitely time to move on to better things. If you're living together, move out immediately, otherwise, you're going to stay in a really unhealthy environment.
DV1
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A
male
reader, Say It Straight  +, writes (10 June 2007):
Hi,Been in your shoes and i know where you are, i know that you try very hard to believe that it couldn't be happening, but it is,she is cheating on you, no easy way of saying it,Bite the bullet, tell her that your not happy with it, she is not bieng honest with you and you are not prepared to be in a relationship under those terms, Kick her out, sounds harsh but she needs to know where you stand, there is no point making yourself ill over it, move on, if she comes straight back and starts to explain everything then you might, if you feel willing at the time, be able to work something out, if she dosn't then stop bieng used.Its not easy, it took me four months of wanting my wife back when i caught her cheating on me with our postman, she denied everything and said that they were just mates, well i kicked her out eventually and my one regret now is that i allowed myself to get very down to a lower point than i have ever been in my whole life, it's not worth it, you are heading down the same route that i went, so from someone who's been there, DON'T GO THERE, she's not worth it.Two sayingsNo man or woman is worth your tears and the one who is won't make you cry.Don't waste your time on someone who isn't prepared to waste their time on you.It's hard now i know, but believe you me it gets far far better later on.Good luck.
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (10 June 2007):
 Hey darlin calm dwn a bit kai =) sit down with her, talk to her, say babe i have seen a message on your fone which I'm really not happy bout *the pet names* and explain how much you love her and if she loves you she will back off from this guy and decrease the time she spends textin him cos its unfair on you! ask her to please stop having these 'jokes' with him cos its getting to you. if she decides to not do this explain you need some time apart because her heart appears to be set on this new lad.. if it has to come to this and she doesnt try and get you back then babe she aint worth the hassel you deserve better! hope i helped, mail me if you wanna talk x x x
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (10 June 2007):
 No. This is the part where you say to your girlfriend - if you don't stop textin this boy, then I don't want you in my life. She's taking advantage of your trust. She may claim to be " friends" with this guy but you don't text another guy while your with your boyfriend, it's just against all rules of relationships. No wonder you're annoyed!
I was in the same position, and seriously, if she's not gonna take how you feel about her texting this other guy into consideration, does she care about you at all?
Tell her " you stop texting your "sunshine", cut the b*llshit and realise your priorities missy or I'm leaving you." ... Maybe not in those exact terms.. but you neds to tell her how you feel, no hold backs. She needs to realise how upsetting this is for you.
I wish you all the best.
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A
female
reader, thurdmusketeer +, writes (10 June 2007):
I'm sorry did you say that you THINK she is cheating on you? If she is talking to this guy more than you.....SHE'S CHEATING ON YOU! Possibly her and this boy have not yet admitted to eachother that they "like" one another so your girlfriend thinks it's harmless. I am definate about the fact that your girlfriend wants this boy to be more than a friend. i consider this CHEATING. Cheating is loving person B while being commited to person A. My advice to you is take a whole day to think about some things. Is it worth it to always wonder if she is with the other guy? Does she love me like she used to? Just think about questions like these and reavaluate your relationship with her.
Hope that helps!
~Bridget
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