A
male
age
41-50,
*may2
writes:I have been dating my girl friend for just over a year now. We have an excellent relationship and we are happy together. I am in my thirties and she is in mid twenties and we have a 10 years of difference.I love everything about her. She is a lot different that other girls. She is kind of eccentric in her passions like everything Japanese, Model art, Anime , travelling the world etc. Whereas i am just a normal guy interested in stability and career and running a business.Recently i started asking her to move the relationship to the next level. She has always maintained that being romantically attached is not her thing. That she has dated many men but never use the word love. I wants us to just stay the way we are.I have given her few weeks to think about and told her that i cannot continue with half baked relationship. I want her to make up her mind of commit to the relationship. I wanted some advice from someone with similar experience. Should i give my gf some more time or how best to handle the situation.I am madly in love with her and dont really know how i can handle the loss if she doesnt come around. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Amay2 +, writes (21 May 2015):
Amay2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI had a talk with my gf and she said there are two things that concerns her. First she is not romantically inclined.
Second she says she would be much happier if I shared her tastes in sci-fi movies , Japanese culture, shows and anime books where most of her passions are focused.
I promised her to participate in activities that she enjoys and she said she wants to wait and see the change in me.
It is confusing that my gf is basing a deeper relationship based on whether or not a guy has same passions as she does.
A
female
reader, Euphoria30  +, writes (21 May 2015):
Dear OP,Your girlfriend is not really in love with you, maybe hasn't really been in love with anybody else so far (she might be lying about that to make you feel better), or is secretly afraid to commit. But no matter what is true, we can still assume she won't suddenly change her mind and heart, after 1 year, and become a real girlfriend to you. Being able to say "I love you". And give something back. Take your time to find the strength you need to maybe, eventually, find a good end for this. If you can't take the short pain of a separation, you will have to put up with a long time of suffering in small, but permanent doses.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (20 May 2015):
 You cannot change who you are as a person. Our interests depend primarily on our physiological makeup, which you cannot change. Sure, you could try to show an interest in things she likes, but if you don't inherently like them, you're never going to share her passion for them.
Relationships don't work when one person insists the other changes before they can love them, mainly because people cannot change who they basically are. A person must love the other person just as they are or the relationship won't work.
If you continue this relationship, you will be forever trying to please her and constantly failing because what you are trying to do is impossible.
You need someone who loves you just the way you are.
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A
male
reader, Amay2 +, writes (19 May 2015):
Amay2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI had a talk with my gf and she said there are two things that concerns her. First she is not romantically inclined.
Second she says she would be much happier if I shared her tastes in sci-fi movies , books where most of her passions are focused.
I promised her to participate in activities that she enjoys and she said she wants to wait and see the change in me.
It is confusing that my gf is basing a deeper relationship based on whether or not a guy has same passions as she does.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (19 May 2015):
She's not interested in having a deep relationship with you. It may be many years until she is, or she might never.
It's better to bring things to an end sooner rather than later. This will allow you the chance to form a relationship with someone who wants the same things from the relationship you do.
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