A
female
age
41-50,
*ictoria0711
writes:I have been divorced for one month. My ex and I have a child (2.5 y/o) of whom we have 50/50 custody. The other night, when I had a date over, he called and asked how the date was. The only way for him to know I had someone over was for him to drive into the driveway and peer through the windows or peek around back. He had our son that night, which means he had him along too. When he asked about it, I said that I had no comment for him and since are divorced, my business is my own. My family feels he will try and use my dating to get full custody of our son, which I don't think is possible (he is implying that this man is the cause of the divorce). Since that time (because we work at the same place) I have heard that he hopes to get back together. I have also noticed him in places that I go to, perhaps in an attempt to spy? He is also trying to spend more time on the unit where I work. Family/friends say to have the atty send him a cease/desist letter, but others say it will make it worse. He was emotionally abusive in the marriage...I am at a loss. I am keeping a log of this on my PC and have told family how to access it...Where should I go from here?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2009): me and my ex are goin through are divorce and hes trying to get custody of my son befour he leaves for iraq.. im afraid of him taking my son away from me because im trying to get out of my marraige to do whats right for me.. my question is i dont no if this is true but were in texas and my ex dosent wont me to be with anyone and he will be gone for a year ..when are divorce is finall can i date anyone if i have sole custody of are son.. i have been told no unless my son isnt around the new guy or if i get marride ..how does an ex wife get on with her life trying to meet or be with a better person!! WITHOUT CHOOSING OR NOT BEING ABLE TO MOVE ON????
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2008): Well you definitely need to document everything. I am going through the same thing. It is stalking. Why would he have you child out sneaking and spying on you. That's controlling and a lil nuts. My ex showed up at my house and I called the police and made a record of it. I have every phone conversation documented and put in my journal. He cannot say anything about you dating someone. Don't tell him anything he doesn't need to know. Make sure that the person you are dating though is a good guy, because in extreme cases they can bring up peoples past to try and prove it isn't in the childs best interest to reside with that parent or if the other person is bad news. Other than that, I would take any pictures if you ever see his car where you are when he wasn't invited. This can be used against him later in court. Contact an attorney and ask questions about what you can do. It sounds a little scary to me. I felt that way in my case too. I hired an attorney and she helped me through the whole thing. She also go it where since I am nervous to let him take my child alone, we set up supervised visitation and I am the one supervising. Just keep track of everything and do not tell him anything, no matter what he threatens you with. He can't use anything against you... he is the one sneaking and acting crazy, if anything I would use that against HIM. He can get rights taken away if you are afraid. And if you keep good notes and have it prepared for court. Good Luck. Remember, the child is the important one here. If you are afraid, you do not ever want your child in danger. Use your head, not your heart here. He's the ex and they do sometimes get jealous.Good Luck Hun
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2008): what state are you in? that is a huge factor, however, I have so much experience in this... it is doubtful that he can have full custody once 50/50 is established unless he can show endangerment - and even then, that gets questioned. My "co-parent" (we were never married nor lived together) stalked me, broke orders, has reported violence, a restraining order form his ex, impersonated me around town, signed his rights away to my our kid, and now, as of 1 month ago, (my son is 4), has a child abuse allegation against him... and guess what? NADA.. the court awarded him 50/50... (it was 80/20). I live in a fathers rights state (colorado) where its corrupt and old school ran by the good 'ol boys. Corrupt CFI's too. So be careful with that. Record ALL meetings and then transcribe them for future reference. My suggestion - wherever you can, get it documented. I just put my son in therapy - you may need to start thinking about this as well. My ex was abusive to me and I never got a RO - I should have. Its a crappy way to live but you will get past it. He will slowly too - give it 4 years at least - he hasn't accepted you have moved on. May I ask what your parenting plan is?
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A
female
reader, superrrshawna +, writes (14 August 2008):
 i think you should continue on as you are, avoiding your ex, seeing this new man, keeping the child as happy as possible.
if he files for sole custody, fight it. until then, unless he really starts to worry you, try to ignore him.
it sounds like he is still hung up on what happened between the two of you, and hopefully time will heal that.
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