A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:i think my dads having an affair.My parents have been married for 15 years,they argue reguarly and iv been thinking for the last 2 years that they were going to split up but they havent.The other day my dad was out and he'd left his phone charging,i decided to be nosy and look through his messages i found quite a few messages from him to this woman.One of them said 'saw you today,looking good,hope to see you soon'and she'd replied 'sounds good' there was not emotions in these texts as lets just say my dads only just grasped the idea of texting.One of the other messages he'd sent said something like'im keeping it together for the kids' i dont know if this woman is just a friend or more,my dad does have quite a few women that are his friends. Im 14 and i have a younger brother,if he found out he would be so upset and i have noone to talk about it with because i dont think i can trust my friends with this.If i confront my dad he will have a go at me for reading his messages and if hes not having an affair and iv got it wrong i could muck it all up.I cant carry on like this though.Should i try and read his messages again to figure it all out,just keep quiet,tell my mum or confront my dad?please help..
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (27 April 2011):
 No matter what it is, it's really none of your business. You really don't know what's going on. Marriages are complicated things, for all you know, your mother knows everything and is happy with the things that are happening. You really don't know.
You shouldn't touch people's private things. If it happened to you, you wouldn't like it.
You are a child, your job is to be a child. This is an adult problem and is for the adults to fix. Yes, your dad will be mad because you read his texts, but it's already done now. You are not to worry, or try to sort things out. Go and speak to your dad. Let him worry about everything and how to fix it. If he is doing something wrong it may stop him. He may learn to hide better and just carry on. If you tell him what you saw, it may frighten him and make him think about what he's doing. Your father doesn't owe you an explanation, but he has a duty to make problems disappear from your life.
Whatever is going on, your father loves you, and it would hurt him terribly if he knew you were frightened and upset. Just tell him your sorry for looking, but you saw the texts and you just wanted to tell him. Then leave it alone, let him sort it all out, that's his job.
A
female
reader, la negra  +, writes (27 April 2011):
I agree with libra1963, I know it's your mom and you don't want her to get hurt but you have to understand that this is your parents relationship and they have to work out there problems together. I know it must be hard looking at him because of what he could be doing to you and your brother and your mom but maybe you could talk to him about doing activities together as a family so he is reminded of how grateful he is to have such a wonderful family to come home to where some people do not. Maybe he needs to be reminded that he shouldn't be playing with fire and should appreciate what he has not through words but through actions.
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A
female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (27 April 2011):
 You sound so mature for your age. I realise it is a very difficult situation for you. I dont think you should say any thing to any one. Firstly who should respect your dad's privacy. How would you like him reading your text messages.
Leave your parents to sort things out for themselves. He clearly cares for his family as he said in the text. If you stir things, you will give him an excuse to go and that is not what you want.
Maybe try to do things to allow your parents to spend more quality time together. Suggest they go out together.
Dont worry to much. All relationships go through difficult times.
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A
female
reader, cjb +, writes (27 April 2011):
First I would go and talk to your school counselor. IF your dad is havinga n affair your mom has a right to know. I would advice you consulting your mom and telling her whats been going on lately. I would also tell her not to mention that you were looking through his phone but that she glanced at it and saw this women texting her. Good luck and stay strong!
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