A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:i had sex for the first time, and i loved him and i thought he loved me, but i guess not he used me and its been about 7 months sence then. i wasnt ready but he talked me into it, i cry myself asleep because of him. and now i feel like a whore, and im scared that someone will use me again and i dont feel confterbul haveing a boyfriend. but i did go out this nice guy but he lied to me, and wanted sex too..and i think that sex messed up my life.. is there anything i can do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (18 June 2010):
 How old was he? It is possible that you could report him to the police, as you never said yes to have sex with him. I don't want to scare you, but when a woman has not given consent, and the man still has sex with her, it is classified as rape.
Rape is not always rough and violent. It can be very quiet, very soft, and women not even knowing what happened. The thing is it is hard to define when you give consent to some parts, but not others, the man might have been in good faith thinking you were ok with it and so on.
But, if he was older than you, it is called statutory rape.
Aside from all that though, it is natural that you react to what happened to you. You were taken advantage of, and had heartache as well as your first experience with sex being a bad experience. You need time to deal with it, take it in, and grow from it. I don't expect you to be fine right away. But with time, you will. You will get back to the one you used to be, because you are still you. A lot more experienced in life than before, but still you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks!, and yes, we did use protection. befor i had sex i was bubbly, and super duper boy crazy, and loving life!!!! but now im quite, dont really care that much about guys, and ive been going though depretion(on meds.)...i knew him for a yr. and my parents loved him and his parents loved me and i told him i dont want to have sex,but he did some things (sexuale) and by the time i relized what i was doing, it was to late. and when HE was done he told me to get dressed....and i dream of that night all the time (even if i wasnt thinking about him that day)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): 1 - Never listen to what men (or anyone) SAYS, watch what they DO. That will always tell your their true intentions.
2 - I have never ever heard a girl say she wishes she lost her virginity earlier. I have heard many say they wish they waited longer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): Yes, and it sure did. Learn your lesson? You should think before you do something. Quit following your heart because that's what happened to you and to your so-called boyfriend. What a loser, really. What else can you do? Avoid guys and sex. byw, I'm a female.
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A
male
reader, Kama  +, writes (17 June 2010):
 All the ladies are right. Stop having sex until you are older. Adults are confused by and have all sorts of problems with their sex lives. Kids have even MORE problems -- all the emotions you are going through will only get worse if you continue having sex as young as you are. This is what you need to do:
wait wait wait until you are with someone, and have been with them for a good long time, and feel absolutely confident that they love you, that they will not leave you, that they will protect you, and that they are not lying to you. Then have sex again, but not until then. wait wait wait. You're too young right now - you must learn more before you further confuse yourself
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): If this is so painful to you then don't accept it. Don't just quietly accept what has happened and turn the guilt onto yourself. (That's what the last girl with this probably did, and that is probably what the next girl will do too.) It's partially your fault for making a bad choice but it's partially not your fault. He had no right to mislead you about his intentions.Tell other girls what this guy did to you. Tell them not to respect him. Tell them not to think this guy is sexy for "getting lots of girls" if this is how he treats them. Make him suffer some kind of bad consequences for it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2010): we all have things in our past that we regret. there are things that we cry over and then we get up and put on our big girl panties and get on with life. the important thing is that we learn from these regrets. losing your virginity is a big deal, but you will get past it. it will be something that you will look back on with a degree of sadness and regret but it will be something you dont think of all the time and it wont destroy your life.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 June 2010):
 I agree, don't have sex til you feel you truly are ready.
We all (young and old) make mistakes, and hopefully we learn from these mistakes and do not repeat them. So do forgive yourself for making the mistake of sleeping with someone you thought loved you. It doesn't make you a whore or a slut or a bad person in any way, what so ever.
YOU have the right to say no or yes to having sex. So in the future, if you don't really want to have sax say no. If the guy can't respect that, he just isn't worthy of you and your affections. There is a LOT more to being Girlfriend/Boyfriend then sex, never forget that.
Let it go. Learn from it and move on.
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A
female
reader, Blod  +, writes (17 June 2010):
 My advice to you would be to steer clear from guys until you feel better about this situation. What's done is done. It's just a matter of getting over what happened. You realize that you made a mistake and you've learnt from it. So you shouldn't feel like a whore. At the time you didn't realize things would turn out this way. You're still young and growing up. It's only natural to make these kind of mistakes.
If you don't feel ready for a boyfriend right now, then that's fine. There's no rule that says you have to have one. No one else will ever live your life so do what's right for you. Don't feel pressured to do anything. You'll get over this with time and you'll feel comfortable with having a boyfriend again.
Remember at this age, although sex isn't a priority for all boys, a lot of young men after sex. So far you've been unfortunate, but it won't last. Take a break for a while and forget about boys. There's a lot more to life and you should be having fun! It's up to you whether you let sex mess up your life. I think you should just try to draw a line under what's happened and move on.
Hope I helped, and good luck.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (17 June 2010):
Don't have sex again until you are ready. And don't have a boyfriend until you are ready either. Did you use protection? If not: get a morning after pill, or ask your doctor or school nurse about what you can do. And then have a pregnancy test.
You made a mistake. We all do. It is part of growing up and learning. It hurts now, but it will get better. You loved him and you trusted him, and you were not at fault for that. He took advantage of you, and now you have learned. You have learned when to say no.
It is not too late. Your life is not ruined by this. You will be fine. Be on guard, because some guys will try to use you for sex. Just say no, and don't put yourself in a dangerous position (like getting drunk with boys and no one to look after you, or sleeping in the same room as boys). Even if you think you know them well. Some times, like with this guy, you think you know them and it is revealed that you really didn't.
Stay single until you are confident again, and until you are ready. In the meantime practice character judgement. Learn how to see a guys true intentions.
And remember, you will be fine. Just give it time, and you will soon see that this is not the end of the world.
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