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anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid, I have really "gone and done it" this time.And unfortunately, unlike Shania Twain,I don't mean "gone and done it" as in "fell in love".I mean "gone and done it" as in "totally messed up my friendship with my crush"...at least,that's what it feels like. He was walking with his arm around his ex-girlfriend's waist, even though I have heard time and time again that he has no intention of getting back together with her and basically cannot stand her.He was also putting his arm around two of my other friends. When he was walking ahead of us,I asked his ex-girl what was up between the two of them. She said nothing was up,but I barely heard her. It was like someone else had taken control of my mind. I said,"Well,you better stay away from my man!" Instantly I regretted it,and sure enough,when we got back to the town we live in, she told him. He confronted me about it and said,"I'm a man, but I'm not YOUR man...so stop telling people I am." I just looked at him and then ran into the girls bathroom so he wouldn't see the tears in my eyes. Have I messed up my friendship with him? And if I have,can I get it back? PLEASE help me!This hurts SOOOOOOOOO bad!Sarah
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2005): If he can't stand his ex-girlfriend, I'm confused as to why he had his arm around her waist?He must be quite a 'man' to be close to two other friends as well.Stop beating yourself up over this. Yes, you over reacted so what you do is go up to him and apologise, saying that you don't know what possessed you to react like that, it was an off day, but it won't happen again. Say you value your friendship and that you hope that it won't change.Okay, so he may guess now that you have feelings for him that are more than friendship but he will probably feel complimented about that. You have only stroked his ego (which is probably slightly inflated anyway from what you have said) so do not worry.All you can do is say this to him in an attempt to save your friendship, the rest is really up to him. If he values the friendship too, he will be accommodating.In the meantime, have fun with your friends and don't let this play on your mind constantly. Things like this do have a habit of working out in the end.Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2005): Well, you said the wrong thing, but I don't know that you've ruined it for good. It depends on what kind of a person he is. I suggest that you apologise to him for what you said (just be strong and firm about it, don't cry again), he'll know now that you like him more than friends, so maybe you should back off a little from him for a while but continue to treat him politely.Basically, you need to hide your emotions for a little while until things calm down again and he feels comfortable with you. Try not to get jealous - I have male friends who have girlfriends, but kiss female friends to greet them and put their arms around them too - it doesn't always mean something.
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reader, Kitten-Man +, writes (30 April 2005):
You need to be a bit clearer. Is this guy your boyfriend, or did you just shout that to be protective 'cos you want to ask him out? To any problem like this, all you can do is apologise. To him and his ex. Then, try and work a friendship back into him and maybe when he recognises you as a friend , ask him out. It will take work, but it's always worth it.
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