A
male
age
41-50,
*ernandosean35
writes:Dear Cupid,I am a 31 years old husband. Being married for the last 2 years and before that we were going out for 3 years. We have a good loving relationship. Hardly fight and financially also sound with less external stresses to deal. Intentionally avoided having kids during the last 2 years due to our migration to a different country etc and now thinking of that department as well. According to the culture we were brought up we didn't have penetrative sex before marriage primarily because she wanted to remain a vergin for the marriage and i respected that, but we were very much active with all other forms of sex including mutual oral and we enjoyed all that (she would never let me ejaculate in the mouth though..don't know whether that's common among women or not..). My frustration right now is, she has a lesser interest in having sexual intercourse. Our usual frequency is probably once a week or so..That too initiated by me. On the other occassions she would somehow dodge the approaches. When we do it, it's fulfilling..we engage in lot of foreplay and she has 2-3 orgasms before i orgasm. I have a high urge for sex and my issue is she never seem to get the message though i have explicitly and implicitly expressed my need.I don't want to press her as I love her..But i am a very frustrated individual as a result of this. She doesn't like to watch porn or educational sex videos etc for a turn on. But I know she watches those online as I've discovered from Internet Explorer history. So it's about not being open on sex and not really taking an effort to enjoy it. Long story ..but what do you think I should do..both of are well educated and I think it's rational for a woman to take that extra effort to brighten up the sex life..She's having a condition called PCOS (polycistis ovaries syndrome) ..could this be a result of that?
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female
reader, betty_black  +, writes (29 June 2009):
 Yeah PCOS effects the hormones in the body and can lead to a major drop in the sex drive. So it could be something to do with that, but also could just be personal preference. I think you need to sit down and have a chat. Its not fair that youre not been fully satisfied, and i know that this can lead to some people being unfaithful, so you need to act on it now. Just tell her its really getting you down. My boyfriend had some issues with our sex life at one point and wouldnt tell me, instead went through one of my friends, and that really upset me. Trust me, a woman would rather just hear it!
A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity  +, writes (29 June 2009):
 First off, to answer your question about the oral thing, it's common for most women to not want the guy to come into her mouth. I mean I don't know if you've ever went down on a guy before, but man juice isn't the best tasting stuff in the world, and the entire warmth/consistency factor is enough to make it hard to swallow. haha. So I wouldn't worry about that too much. As far as sex goes, you should definitely be open to her about this. There is a way for you to tell her that you would appreciate some more time in the sheets without exactly pressing or guilting her into it. Be open. Try to be romantic! A nice night out (or in) would be enough to loosen up any girl, especially if a bit of effort and planning goes into it. This is your wife, so you should feel comfortable talking to her. As far as porn goes? You should know that masturbating with pornography is a totally different feeling than sex. It's quick and it doesn't take that much time out of the day. Maybe she is just stressed and has a lot to do? Either way, be honest. Try to get to know what she would like in the bedroom. I personally enjoy porn by myself, but I wouldn't really feel comfortable watching it with my boyfriend, so that could be further insight as far as the raunchy online stuff is concerned. So discuss, discuss, discuss! :) She can't read your mind, and once she knows how you feel, then she'll be able to put in that extra effort. Best of luck!
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