A
female
age
36-40,
*inadisturbed
writes:My partner has been on holidays for almost 4 months, so we havent had sexually intercourse for a while. He got back a 2 weeks ago. I am now 9 days later havent had a pregnancy test not sure if i want to. i was talking to my partner about this and we both agreed that the sex was to intensed but he remembers that he didnt blow in me so im curious i no its impossible for me to be pregnant. But could there be a chance that maybe he didnt feel anything come out till the end when he came? Its a question that im really curious about?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2009): hi there Tina,
wow hug, I am sorry for your loss. You will be a great mother, of this i am sure. It just wasn't meant to be at this time. not the ending I had hoped for. Unfortunately life sometimes throws very bad things towards us and we have to make do.
If it helps a little, things do go on and it is not the end of the book, just the closing of a chapter. The next chapter will be a much happier one.
Take care,
Star.x.
A
female
reader, natasia  +, writes (20 July 2009):
 Tina, I am so so sorry this has happened to you. You need time to recover, and to understand that this just wasn't meant to be - however, I'm sure you will have another baby, and that will be meant to be.At least now your boyfriend has come to terms with things and changed his feelings, and is now being supportive and loving and wanting a baby with you. To be honest, I think being pregnant again and having a baby is the best cure for a miscarriage, but you must do what you think, when you feel ready.
nxx
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reader, Tinadisturbed +, writes (20 July 2009):
Tinadisturbed is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone.
I just wanted to keep u updated on whats happened.
I arrived from dubai and i made the first step in telling everyone i was pregnant and i sorted everything out with my partner and he finally was convencied he wanted this child.
A few weeks went by and everything was the best. My family, My partner and all my friends were very happy to know the great news.
But that didnt last too long. I had a miscarriage 6 weeks ago and everything was shattered in my eyes. I didnt wanna see anyone and i didnt wanna be with anyone. I stayed home for a few weeks...
I guess evrything is ok now. Im slowly recovering. I am now more wiser and understand this situation.. And promise my self to never be in this situation again.
My partner is now too excited and wants to try for a baby.. But im too depressed and want to wait.
So just wanted to let you guys know. i also want to thank you all for all the help and advice you gave.
Thank you
Tina
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): Hey Tina, sorry i didn't see your update.
This was never going to be easy, you knew that. But regardless of all reactions of other people, time passes.
Your Mum will be great and hopefully will be clubbing dad over the head - regardless of his "disappointment etc." you are going to have a baby. His grand child. he doesn't get a choice about that. There are so many worse things.
The dad too is beginning to move as life goes on - its coming regardless of his feelings. You will be fine and a strong mother, once you get through this.
Why Dubai? seems an odd place to go to? Have you thought of names yet? how is smoking?
Double Hugs Star.x.
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female
reader, natasia +, writes (26 May 2009):
hey there ...
you have got someone with you - me! I am listening, and thinking of you, and would give you a hug and make you feel better, if I could.
A very similar thing happened to me, at your age, too. My father said/did the same thing - said that if i had the abortion, he would do everything to help and support, but that if i had the baby, he would disown me. He didn't tell me - my mum told me those were his instructions. I was scared, like you, and in the end, against my own wishes and judgement, I had the abortion.
I was one of the unlucky ones - it was awful, and I was seriously affected by it for years. Years. My life now is beautiful in some ways, as i have a wonderful son of 13, and a daughter of 1 year, but in other ways I have a totally messed up life because of my constant desire to have a baby/babies to make up for what happened. My daughter's father is a totally unsuitable guy, 9 years younger than me, and I got pregnant by accident only 3 months after being with him. Since that moment I have been on a rollercoaster. He is still here, but pretty mean.
Anyhow, I am only telling you about my up and down life so you can have an example of someone who didn't listen to their heart and head at that crucial moment when everyone is challenging your motherhood. It took me years to make up for it, and I still never will, although I feel one hell of a lot better now I have my daughter. But, I have sacrificed and lost a lot in my life because of that terrible emotional shock/trauma of the abortion.
Some people don't react like that, but others do.
Anyhow, what I really want to say to you is that once your little baby is here, nobody AT ALL will EVER regret him or her being here - you will find that suddenly everybody adores the baby, and it will all be ok. It may take some time to work out, but I am sure it will be ok. Your dad will come round. Your mum will help everybody. And your boyfriend will also come round, I am sure.
You just have to be strong now. Be very very strong. Feel that little life inside you. He or she is beating away there like a little watch, trusting and secure. Your job as a mama has already started - you need to hold your little one close, and protect him or her. Take strength from your baby - it will all be good.
xxx
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reader, pebble +, writes (26 May 2009):
 Sorry to hear you're feeling so bad. And also that your father made you reconsider whether or not you wanted the baby. Can I ask if you're still 100% sure about it?
You know, it's a difficult one because you say you want someone to make you feel secure but in 7 - 8 months there will be someone, he or she is in there right now. But I understand why that might be no help to you right now - all it seems to be is the cause of all these problems.
I bet your mum is feeling a bit guilty right now. Maybe she'll be able to talk your father round or at least be strong to say that she'll support you even if he won't. I really struggle to understand some people - you are his daughter and this is his grandchild, how can he have the heart to just disown his family? And why? Just because you don't conform to the perfect life image he had for you in his head? Some people need to remember that life isn't all candy floss and fairies.
I really hope your mom is strong enough to reach out to you.
Please try to relax as much as you can and eat as healthily as you can. Keep an eye on those abdominal pains aswell, especially if you start bleeding because then you'll need to see a doctor as soon as you can.
It might not seem much help but there are always people on this site willing to listen and talk :)
And remember that it's your body, your baby, your decision.
Good luck x
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reader, Tinadisturbed +, writes (26 May 2009):
Tinadisturbed is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi im back,
Well things are not that great.This whole situatuion has got me really depressed.I haven't been able to do much.I didn't end up going to my friends place,instead i packed a few things and travelled to duabi.
Being alone on this little trip has got me thinking. Thinking about everything that has happened in the last 3 weeks.All the good and the bad.
The night before i left to travel to dubai i told my mum and she couldnt handle it she told my father.Things have gone to far now.My mum was so happy for me but my father doesnt want to see me no more and kicked me out disowed me.I really wanted this baby,but to have seen the look in my fathers eyes made me think twice.
My partner messages me every now and then asking if i went and had the abortion.I tell him the same thing all the time NO!.
I hate the idea of losing him.He doesn't hate me i know that,i also know that his stressed out and i understand that completley.Its not easy finding out your going to be a father or even a mother within 9 months.He knows i have always wanted to have a child and that i wanted it with him.But i dont understand why his feeling this way.I know he cares for me becasue when we talk on the phone he worries about me to much.I spoke to him a few hours ago and he was asking me all these questions like,
What im doing on my own,What im eating,If im relaxing and you get the hint.
His also worried that im stressing out to much,because im on my own i might do soemthing stupid.
No,i've already done something stupid but im trying to take responsibility for that mistake.I've got the worst back pain and abdominal pains i cant sleep the night from the pain.
I'm going to see how long i can be here for,before heading home.At this point in my life i really need someone near me to talk to,to make me feel safe and secure and to keep me from stressing out to much.But all the ones i care and love have slowly drifted away from me and i have no one.The only form of communication i can express myself from is being on the net and talking to people that have an ear to listern to me and not judge me or tell me what i am doing is wrong but to also give me advice.
I will keep u updated.
Cheers :(
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reader, natasia +, writes (21 May 2009):
hey, i hope you're ok ... please write and tell us you are!
have just read all the posts since i asked you way back about what happened. and i am the one who Star gave you the link to.
you and your friend are right - if you had an abortion against your better judgement and feelings, it could very easily affect/ruin the rest of your life. and why should you even consider for a second doing anything of what that idiot says you should do? i am sorry but he really isn't making himself look very good in any of this. and i am worried about his abusiveness - you are totally right to disappear from his life. frankly, i would disappear forever.
hope you are ok, and made it to your friend's. what about your parents? do they know?
and yes, having a baby growing inside you is the most amazing thing in the world. i would happily be pregnant all the time ;) enjoy ... :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2009): Tina, once again some of the problems you had last week have now cleared. You now know, your are pregnant, you have told the father, he has responded. If he wants nothing to do with it then thats good news on one hand because its now sorted. (it might appeal later on in a few months time with sensible head on and down to you to accept)
Its now all your choice - sound like you have decided to keep the baby and i am pleased for you.
You need to build all your supprt network family and friends etc. You also need to stop smoking and drinking and eat healthily! (these are important)
Good luck and please give us an update on here on how things go. Its nice to have happy (ier) stories for a change.
Star.x.
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reader, Tinadisturbed +, writes (21 May 2009):
Tinadisturbed is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks star that link was very helpful. It made things more clearer for me. Even though i know what i am going to do. I am going ahead with this pregnancy.
Unfortunatly the father isnt going to be involved. He arrived last night which was a shock because he had planned to come on saturday. We began talking and i told him exactly what was on my mind. After 2 hours of talking he began to threathen me and also became very abusive.
He became a person ive never seen before. He informed me that he wants me to have this abortion and never to mention it again. He doesnt want me to tell anyone.
He even said to me for me to stop calling it my baby. He doesnt believe its a baby.. For him or anyone to be in more denial then that is just crazy.
Its been nearly 2 weeks since we've know 1 week since we made sure of it. 2 weeks of thinking on his own shouldnt he have come to terms of becoming a father.
My friend told me to pack my things and go live with her until i have the baby. She doesnt want me to go through what she went through after she had to go for abortion with her first child. She knows that i stress over anything and everything. So i might fall into some kind of depression syndrome and that will change the rest of my life.
The move its self is going to change alot of things like whether or not i can finish my studies or even work. Am i going to be stabilised the way i am here.
Im only going a few hours drive from where i am. But still if i was to be seen in the streets with that pregnancy belly by my soon to be XBF. What will he do to me. Im going to tell him i went for the abortion and from now till nine months things would be a lot easier.
I am very thankful for all your posts. I really appreciate that i can talk to someone and know they are not judging me and are actually helping me.
Cheers Tina
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): Hi Tracey, good for you. What does your mum etc. think?
its going to talk some courage to face him. But at least he is making an effort.
think it would worth reading this post - and Natashia's story, i think its very powerful on what can happen with termination:
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/am-i-or-am-i-not-pregnant.html
i think you are very brave and will make a very good mother. If you think you have asked us for help and listened to whats been said, you been methodical and sensible in the things you have done. Well done.
facing Bf - will go only a few ways, play them over in your head and see how you think it will happen.
you are going to have a baby - i think that is, well a fabulous thing to do.
Star.x.
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reader, pebble +, writes (19 May 2009):
Good girl, stay strong and put your foot down. A little bit of time is what he may be to gain a little perspective on things, and come round to the thought that there's going to be a baby whether he likes it or not.
Or maybe he'll always be totally against it, I hope not but he's not shown any good signs so far. That's something you might need to prepare yourself for.
But, it sounds like you've made your decision and are 100% sure about it so I wish you all the best with your little bundle :)
Just to let you know I'm 10 weeks pregnant myself so feel free to inbox me if you need anything. Good luck, stay strong and let us know how the weekend goes :) x
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reader, Tinadisturbed +, writes (19 May 2009):
Tinadisturbed is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah thats rigth its so exciting.
His coming this weekend to see me and he wants to take me himself to get the abortion. What he doesnt know is that im not having this abortion and im not telling him till he comes maybe then i am able to convenice him that we should go ahead with having this baby.
I mean its worth a shot. I wont do it over the phone. Becasue talking over the phone makes it easier to say things. Were as face to face i can talk to him about facing the facts and that he should support me. I am going to also let him know with him or not im having this baby.
I want to see his reaction. Even though i know he will get angry and i am scared of that but im having this baby.
Waiting inpatiently for the weekend... Cant wait much longer.
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reader, pebble +, writes (18 May 2009):
Yep, Star has it right. You need someone on your side now. A friend, your Mom... whoever you feel will help and support you.
Don't worry about this guy any longer sweetheart. He has made his choice. You did everything right and now only you and your baby are the ones that matter.
He is going to be missing out on something beautiful and fantastic and miraculous. Stupid him. You're going to be feeling every second of this amazing thing. Now all the exciting preparation begins!!
:D good luck, and once again, you've done evrything right - that little baby is going to be so glad you are it's mother x
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): ok so now you know two things for certain...
you are pregnant and he is a fool.
So next thing - talk to mum, someone sensible, a friend, a counsellor any one preferably female... someone.
you need to make the toughest decision of your life soon....not yet, but soon... best to get as much information around that subject. read, learn listen to how tough both choices are.
Star.x.
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reader, bobbles32  +, writes (18 May 2009):
 Let him know you're not aborting the baby and that he's just going to have to live with the fact that he's going to be a father. Let him know he doesn't have to see the baby but he's going to hhave to financially support it. If he doesn't, you can take him to court.
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reader, Tinadisturbed +, writes (18 May 2009):
Tinadisturbed is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks pebbles great advice. You are right he needs to know.
I told him. He doesnt want it. He doesnt wanna have anything to do with it. He wants it gone asap.
Star i was honest with him and let him know i want this baby. But still no positive outcome
:(
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): Well - you have to tell him. He has that right. What he decides to do afterwards is another thing.
tell him and be honest - just say how you feel. He might have had time to get use to the idea.
Star.x.
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reader, pebble +, writes (18 May 2009):
Because your child has every right to know who it's father is. And it will resent you when it's older when it has to face possible rejection from him if it decides to go look for him.You didn't make this baby on your own, you need to make him face his responsibilities. If you don't tell him you're giving him such an easy way out.If he doesn't want to know when you tell him then fine, but at least you know you didn't do anything wrong by hiding stuff from people.
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reader, Tinadisturbed +, writes (18 May 2009):
Tinadisturbed is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell i just got back from the doctor's.It was a positive...I AM PREGNANT!!!!Now what to do???? Haven't told the father yet! He has been calling all day and it's driving me insane. Why should i tell him if i know he is not going to go ahead with it. What should i do?
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reader, Tinadisturbed +, writes (18 May 2009):
Tinadisturbed is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh this is too emotional. Finacially i can be supported from the government for my child. Im just laying low at the moment. I am at work now nervous waiting for the results. Im going on my break to see the doctor. Ive got butterflies in my stomach. I dnt really need to go to get the results but im going to go to shut my partner up.
Even though he was supposed to go with me today and now says he has work.. He is still in denial and wont accept the fact.
Once i get the results i will make sure i post it up.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): HI Tina, easy tiger there.
I think he is still in disbelief - its a shock (you have had thoughts you are for a while) to him its News. So he wants the proof.
the blood test will tell him you are. Next thing will be "shit i am going to be a dad" or "its not mine"
so don't fret too much on these things - you are confident of the second one, so he will come round (doesn't get a choice - much like you)
he will take a while to come round... bit the fact he says lets wait till monday says he is begining to settle down.
Be strong - you are in charge now, no rash decision thing through it all and Talk to a grown up!! (Mum, Aunt whoever)
you need to air this.
now smoking, drinking etc... sigh....play safe.
Star.x.
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reader, pebble +, writes (17 May 2009):
Ugh, what an idiot. Stress, high sugar levels or emotion cannot give a false positive, otherwise there would be false positives all over the place. What would be the point in home pregnancy tests if they were that inaccurate?
If you're seeing someone on Monday my advice to you would be get the health professional that you are seeing to explain these things to your boyfriend. Ask him or her whether it's possible to get pregnant without him actually coming in you and make him listen to what they say. If he can't come with you, ask them to write it down for you. So you can show him.
Don't tell him you're going to have an abortion. That gives him such an easy way out. He gets to walk away thinking everything is sorted and you left alone with a child. He is just a much part of this as you and he needs to face up to his responsibilities and deal with the consequences of his actions. You will also need his financial support to bring up this baby, whether or not he wants to access to the child. There should be some kind of organisation in Australia to sort out him paying you child maintainance (we have the child support agency here in UK).
What I'm saying I completely understand why you would just want to cut all ties and move on with the baby but he needs to face up to his duties. Including financially supporting the human being that he helped create.
And if you need to have a DNA test once the baby is here then so be it. Something needs to wake this idiot up to the suprising fact that he DOESN'T know everything.
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reader, Tinadisturbed +, writes (17 May 2009):
Tinadisturbed is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi guys im back... tonight has been the most stressful night. Me & My partner had a big arguement in regards to my pregnancy. I told him i want this baby. And his still denying it. He started asking me all these questions like when was my last period? How long after did we have sex? And all these crazy things like girls he knows have been late for more than a month then they do tests and are also positive and that the pregnancy test was positive due stress, high sugar levels or being emotional.
I told him im sorry that after everything we have been through that its come to this.. And he was like oh my god stop thiking u r a pregnant and lets wait till monday..
Im in such a terrifying situation.
im thinking of telling him that im going to have an aborton and pack my things and live on my own. Give him space and time for it to sink in. And to wake up to him self that his the father of this baby and no one else is.
And if he doesnt wanna stand up to the resposibilities then im doing it on my own. To have it grow inside u is a miracle, To kill it is murder.
I cant do that to something so precious.. Its the best thing that has happened to me in a while.
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reader, pebble +, writes (16 May 2009):
Good god, how old is this man? He's acting like a child. He doesn't believe that you're pregnant because he didn't come in you? I thought only teenagers believed that these days.
Does he have internet access? Send him this link:
http://www.birth-control-comparison.info/withdrawal.htm
You need to MAKE him take notice of you otherwise you're going to be left on your own with a baby he doesn't think is his. Or you'll have to go through an abortion by yourself because he thinks you've cheated.
There a millions of websites that tell you how ineffective the pullout method is. Point him in the direction of a few of them. He's ignorant and thinks he's right. You need to make him see he's not.
If you've had a positive test then you are probably pregnant. Those things are over 99% percent accurate. False negatives are quite common but false positives are a rarity.
Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009): wait for the blood test and result to confirm....my money is you are...
So things to do... Ignore Bf for the moment....he can wait if he is being dull. Of course he is in shock, much like you.
you need to to talk to a sensible adult. Mum, aunt, big sister, friend.... someone.
You need to reduce if not stop smoking and drinking. You need to start eating healthily....etc. do your research.
now BF has a choice - if he doubts then get a blood test. you don't need to argue with him. If he is going to step up then great, but be prepared, he might run.
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reader, Tinadisturbed +, writes (16 May 2009):
Tinadisturbed is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust did the pregnancy test came out positive took a pic and sent it to my partner. still going to wait for the blood test results on monday hope all goes well He is still doubting it.. I told him its true he knows im faithfull but now is doubting that.. He keeps saying no ur not pregnant and i didnt blow in u...
I think this pregnancy is going to ruin a beautiful relationship. I dnt no what to
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009): Tina,
one step at a time.
take the test when you are ready. follow the instructions carefully (its important)
then we can talk about the other things, lets find out first.
Big Hug,
Star.x.
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reader, Tinadisturbed +, writes (16 May 2009):
Tinadisturbed is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Star, I really loved that article it was very educational even though i know exactly what is going on.
I bought the pregnancy test kit home today. I havent yet did the test but i hope all goes well when i do it.
I spoke to my partner yesterday and was telling him what he thinks we should do. And he is 100% sure that im not pregnant and that he wont make any decisions without me being positive...
I asked him what makes him 100% sure and he said i didnt cum in you...
I explained to him exactly what i have learnt about pre cum and he still doesnt believe me.
He has also told me that if its positive that his not the father.. Becasue he didnt cum in me... AHHHHH this is so frustrating and it makes it alot harder for me to do the test now because im too scared what the outcome is...
Im not worried about being pregnant, thats exactly far from it i want this baby...
So frustrated though....
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): Hi Tina disturbed,
biology doesn't care if you want it or not ...and once is enough...
Climax = Orgasm = Cum = spunk for a boy, what ever term - you dont need this directly to have a baby... just the precum (the bit where he gets a little moist to help at the tip of his penis). see this link...
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_is_pre-cum
- if you have had sex and he has been inside of you - even if just putting it in and taking it out, without thrusting... guess what, yup you can get pregnant.
Now you have to act like a grown up - you are old enough to have sex, then with that comes great responsibility.
Go and get a test done - if its negative repeat it a few days later. Follow the instructions. You don't have to do this - you could wait 9 Months and see... or go to Docs and get blood analyisis (this is easy and gives the most accurate result)
I would also direct you to this article by the amazing satindesire, i know you aren't virgins but a very good sexual article.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/thinking-about-losing-your-virginity.html
Very good luck and let us know what happens please.
Star.x.
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reader, bobbles32 +, writes (15 May 2009):
climax = orgasm
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reader, Tinadisturbed +, writes (15 May 2009):
Tinadisturbed is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAfter he came back from his holiday he was here only for the one night then he left again his now gone for almost 2 weeks. I know what im supposed to use to avoid falling pregnant but his visit was not planned and it was a suprise. I wanted him to use a condom but he didnt want to. He see he wont cum in me and he didnt. For what we did is a little to mush to be said on here...
I guess we havent seen each other for almost 4 months so u can imagine wat went on...
He wants me to go do the test but im scared...
I want it to be positive but im scared its going to be negative.
Otherstarfish sorry just a question what exactly do you mean by climax???
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): yup you can get pregnant from him just being inside of you if no protection is used and he didn't climax...
Star.x.
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reader, natasia +, writes (15 May 2009):
When is the last time you had sex with him, and what happened?
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