A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is not really about relationship advice but sort of is at the same time, i guess. I feel that i am more living in a fantasy world instead of the real one. Im sure other people do this as well but because its happening to me i am a bit concerned about it. Its gotten to the point where my friends notice that im really out of it. By the way i am 17 years old. Alot of not-so-good things have been happening to me for a while now so i think thats why i have created this fantasy male in my head. I guess he would be my "dream guy" but he is not perfect and when im by myself, instead of crushing on real boys, i feel so utterly fixated on dream guy. I dont know if this is the beginnings of schizophrenia, if i want an imaginary friend, etc. but i just dont feel very intune with everyday life. I spoke to my guidance counselor and we discussed my life over and basically he said i was missing a father figure and facing some issues of neglect. To explain the previous statement: From a very early age my parents divorced, and my mother and i moved to a different country. In this new country, I made tons of friends but i felt something missing. Then i became really good friends with my teacher who became my mothers friend. So he was around all the time and we spent a lot of time together. Then my mother met my step father and we moved to another country. Here, i got the news that my biological father died and then my step father left my mother and I. Now my mother is recovering from a tumor. This is what led my counselor to think i have some issues regarding male figures in my life. When my mother found out she had a tumor, I was becoming really attached to one of my teachers at school and then he left to go back to his home-country because of his parents illness. I dont want to think that i have issues but i would rather have "real" issues than internalize them and make them into someone i cant stop thinking about. This person i devote hours to is not real. But i cant stop. My question would be: is it normal to have a fantasy man or am i going a bit cuckoo from stress?Thanks for reading all of this, i know it was very long.
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male
reader, faenon  +, writes (23 January 2011):
 You miss your father that's understandable the lack of a father figure for guidance you miss i think.
Sounds like loneliness and longing for a fellow in the real world as well I think but the only way your going to be able to make that possible is by going out with your girlfriends and enjoying yourself and RELAX stress can do strange things to a persons state of mind.
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (23 January 2011):
Hi there. Your life has had many changes, moving house and changing countries, parents divorced, another broken relationship (your mother), your father died, Your mother had a tumour.
WOW !! No wonder you feel a bit unsure of things. It's not very surprising, is it?
It's probably a case of you've found a safe haven in this fantasy man. Although he's not real, he's a bit of a security blanket for you.
Whenever you feel insecure, you just think of your imaginary boyfriend, and life feels safe for you again. It's a constant, and doesn't change - like other things. Consistency is what you have been missing - so you've created it for yourself. So in a way, it's keeping you on the straight and narrow.
You could do far worse things - drugs, alcohol, crime. So many things you could turn to. But an imaginary boyfriend is much safer for you than those other options, that's for sure.
You are only 17 at the moment, so I am guessing that you are still at school.
In a few short years from now, and you are working, you will become self-sufficient, so you will be able to live wherever you like then. If your mother keeps on wanting to move around the world, you won't have to be doing that then, if that's not what you want to do. It will be your choice.
You will start to establish your own friendships, and won't want to be moving around the world. That's too unsettling.
It's a bit different when you are still a minor and being financially supported by your parents, and have very few choices, but things will change once you begin work. You can choose what you want to do then.
I really believe the main problem that you have, is just a case of lack of stability in your life while you were growing up. Things will start to change very soon.
Somewhere along the line, you will meet a real man who you will actually want to spend time with, so your dream man will fade into oblivion.
You might find that whenever things get a bit tough in your life, you might revert back to your fantasy man again. But all it is, is a safe haven for you. It's a place where you feel emotionally safe and secure, that's all. It's a comfort thing.
No need to be alarmed, you are perfectly normal.
It's a phase you have been going through, but it has probably helped you quite a lot, to cope.
It's really important that you don't isolate yourself, and keep in contact with all your friends and go out and have fun together. This will not only take your mind off yourself, but will also put some balance back into your life again.
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