A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I'm dating a man who is about to be divorced within the month. We have been together for 9 months. Although he was the one that stepped out on his marriage lately his guilt and depression has been overwhelming. I can't help but feel jealous and insecure even though I know this will all be over soon. His soon to be ex has expressed repeated interest in taking him back but he does not want her - yet I wonder why he is so depressed. We argue a lot since she will not move out until she gets her money from the divorce and he is saying he can't refinance until they are. It looks like they will still live together 2 month post divorce which sounds odd to me. I'm scheduled to move in when she's gone but it seems like things are moving slow. Now he is saying they will remain friends afterwards too. I constantly wonder if I'm in a love triangle since he hasn't been completely mine since we began dating. I love him too much to let go but I'm looking for a reality check. Should I hang around because it will get better or am I being an idiot? Please keep in mind that although what we did was wrong I am madly In love with this man. Thankyou.
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depressed, divorce, insecure, jealous, money Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the person who responded that I am looking for free room and board you couldn't be more wrong. It wasn't a money issue why I moved in with my parents it was an emotional one. I am a highly paid executive at my company bringing in well over 6 figures and once living with my boyfriend I would pay half his mortgage and bills and expect nothing in return. I did own a house from my previous marriage (am divorced) and guess what I didn't ask for a dime there either. My house was paid off and my ex got to pocket the $400K for the house plus belongings I left behind. So please don't pigeon hole me like I'm a a user. As for showing my son a cheating lifestyle all I can say is that we were both in emotional and physically abusive relationships previously and if you know anyone who's ever been in that kind of situation you would know that making a connection with someone who isn't abusive becomes a co-dependent one
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): You are rushing to replace his wfe because u are insecure and you are running scared.
Seems like you also want to free board and use this man to get a free bee. Please learn to stand on your own two feet. I think then you will appreciate life more.
Your kid is too young to be exposed to ytour cheating lifestyle, in everything u do, please try to protect him.
As for your married lover, of course he is wracked with guilt, he knows that he did wrong. Why seem insensitive to him and his wifes plight. You are pressurising your married man unnecessarily. Becareful Karma doesn't creep up when you least expect it.
She who hurries, loses the race....
LoveGirl
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for the responses. I will add that there is one child involved (mine). The reason for the "rush" is basically because we were living together the last 5 months but it wasn't easy because of my insecurity with his situation. He broke up with me to go back to her (several times) each time begging to come back within a day. The last time was the worst and when my lease was up I decided to live at my parents for 2 months while I decided what to do. The arrangement before was to to get another place month to month and continue living together but I wanted to throw him back into the "fire" by having him live with her again. If it was meant to be then I wasn't going to be in the way. So after living together, it's been hard being apart.
For the reader who said I was selfish, perhaps I was but I also tried several times to tell him to return to her if I wasn't the one. It's been a very intense relationship and we are still struggling everyday
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A
female
reader, milk and cookies +, writes (17 November 2010):
Hello
Why rush these 2 people?. He is a married man. He is not your man. Painful but true. Are you afraid he will move on if you give him time to grieve? Why don't you find a nice single man and get out of this family's life.You are very selfish.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2010): he has a lot going on. Divorcing is a major life change, it triggers depression in a lot of people who are in a less complicated situation than him (no third party involved). Add on top of that the fact that his wife is trying to win him back , while you and him are arguing.... he is probably second guessing his decision to leave his marriage.Why are you so anxious to move in with him? He is not a landlord - as soon as one tenant moves out (his wife) a new one immediately moves in (you). why can't you stay on your own for longer until his divorce is over and the dust for him has settled. Conversely why can't he move in with you while she stays in their home until she can move out?
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (15 November 2010):
Hi there. Perhaps he's still not sure what he wants or who.
Divorce is a big step.
Are there children involved?
You need to be very wary, especially as they will both still be living in the house for 2 months post divorce. Anything could happen in that time, she could get around him and it could all be on again. Stranger things have happened.
My advice is to tread very carefully in the meantime, and watch closely how he acts when he's with you, and whether he changes towards you.
Also, see if things between you change once the divorce goes through and you said it's about one month till then, so that's not very long.
Watch for any signs in things he says to you and what he does. Make a mental note of if he mentions his ex wife's name in general conversation. If he does, it might be a sign that it's on again.
If you keep aware of everything, you will soon pick up on it very easily. He might not call you so often, or make an excuse as to why he can't see you sometimes. He might become a bit secretive.
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