A
male
age
36-40,
*an6666
writes:i am a man of 26 i have always loved porn and mosted fantasys i have tried to explore most of my sexual appertite but i feel its not enough i have a fiance that is 23 years old as much as i love her she just doesnt fufill my needs is this wrong of me? i thionk i am addicted to internet porn will this ruin my relationship with this woman? i have tried not go on porno sites and i lasted no longer than 3 days i think i have a serious problem with it does anyone else have the same problem if so how did you over come it? i love my fiance soo much but it would break her heart if she found out .... i need help!
View related questions:
fiance, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (19 January 2012):
 I'm putting addiction to the side for the moment, it's a term that is overused and rarely is correctly diagnosed. For proper addiction it has to ruin your life greatly, take all your money, make you unavailable/improper for work, and basically put a stop to all social life and nothing but masturbation and pornography exists. People addicted to pornography often cannot have normal sex. You need to see a doctor before you can truly call this a sex addiction. (pornography addiction is still not a recognised condition according to the psychologist diagnostic manual) It's usually shorthand for "I'm not in control of my sex life the way I want to be", and that is also a problem.Most important thing that stands out in your post is " have tried to explore most of my sexual appertite but i feel its not enough i have a fiance that is 23 years old as much as i love her she just doesnt fufill my needs..."What is it your girlfriend doesn't do. Why doesn't she fullfill? you. Is she not attractive sexually (overweight, lack of pride in appearance) or does she refuse many sex acts. In that case, porn is doing what it's supposed to do, it's giving you a taste of sexual fulfilment you can't find at home, but keeping you faithful and loving towards your girlfriend.There are solutions. Tell us the problems with your girlfriend, we might have ideas. If not write back and I'll give you advice on how to either stop/or cut down on pornography.How often do you masturbate to porn? (per day)How often do you have sex with your girlfriend?Why sex acts would you like her to try but your ashamed to ask?Has sex and pornography always been a problem in your relationships?Does your girlfriend enjoy sex with you?Please update your post, more information is needed before any sensible advice can be given.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2012): My SO was addicted to porn so much so that he couldn't orgasm through penetrative sex. He has completely stopped masturbating to porn and can now orgasm through penetration. He stopped through willpower because he saw how much it upset me. I'm no prude but he tried to get me involved in his fantasies. I tried but eventually I couldn't take it as any time we had sex he would try to recreate what he saw online. I could eventually tell that he seemed like it didn't matter whether I was enjoying it or not. I stopped having sex with him and told him why. It was destroying me and our relationship. He stopped cold turkey and even asked me to put a lock on the computer when I went out so he couldn't watch porn. I told him no. I'm not going to monitor him and if he wanted to stop he would. He found it EXTREMELY difficult as he was masturbating up to 7 times a day. He says stopping was the best thing that could have happened as he has the best sex of his life now. He would have lost me if he didn't stop. If he needs to relieve himself now he goes to the toilet and I'm fine with that. His addiction was destroying OUR lives. You can stop but YOU have to want to!
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (18 January 2012):
 There are many groups that are similar to alcoholics anonymous about porn addiction, I suggest you look online to find one in your area. There are also many books on this. If you can afford it, therapy is the best thing for it. Yes porn addiction has the capacity to destroy MANY relationships and many women are devastated by this. It's great you realize that and want to fix it. As a bonus, every single man I've ever talked to who stopped using porn saw an improvement in their sex life.
If it's truly a compulsion, this can be near impossible to break this totally alone. It's not a matter of willpower and it doesn't make you weak if you can't make it 3 days. One addict said his therapist offered to refund him $200 of therapy if he could make it 2 weeks without porn and he only lasted 4 days.
There are so many websites and books on this, so you should definitely look into that.
"Its not even real."
What part isn't real? It's not like in Hollywood where they use clever camera tricks and CGI, those things are really happening to real people in a real place. Some of those women really were trafficked and raped, some of those women really are in porn to support a drug addiction, some women really are in porn out of desperation. Some women catch real STDs and get real injuries like a distended rectum and rips and tears. When they show women gagging and vomiting from oral that's real. I'm honestly curious what part of it you think isn't real because other than the fact that their facial expressions/emotions/lines may be acted, everything else really happened.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 January 2012):
 has she made it clear she does not tolerate porn or are you assuming that she will not accept it?
I have no issues with porn as it does not appear to detract from the attention my partner gives me.
...............................
A
female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (18 January 2012):
I think you should go cold turkey from the porn and then your relationship with your partner will improve because all your sexual energy and focus will be on her. You will have to find ways of distracting yourself when you get the urge to look at porn. I'm talking about going for a walk, gym, going out with friends etc. The first three months are the worst, I've heard.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2012): Yes I think it's a serious problem unless you dont' mind being single for the rest of your life. (hey not all men even want to get married so for them I don't think this would be a problem).
if you're in a serious relationship hoping to get married, then this will ruin it because your addiction is blocking you from achieving intimacy with your fiance. you're not able to get fulfillment with her because you're used to getting fulfillment in a different manner.
if you can't stop yourself despite trying, then it's compulsive. if it's compulsive then it's an addiction. And if it's an addiction it's sure to cause big problems in your relationship at some point. May not be immediately, but if you get married and spend the next few decades living together it's sure to become an issue.
Seek out professional counseling because this isn't something you can control by yourself, you've already tried.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2012): Try watching it together. I dont know what the problem is about porn. Its not even real.
...............................
A
male
reader, SonOfMan  +, writes (18 January 2012):
 The brain can get addicted to anything if you let it. It takes a lot of practice and dedication but you must have the willingness and desire to actually change.
Once you are honest with yourself and say you want to change then you are on the right track. Just like a radio dial, tune your thoughts to other things in life.
Believe me, I went through the same phase and now look back and laugh. All it was is just me letting myself carry on and feeding off the rush I get.
Find other constructive ways to pass the time, join a gym, go for a walk, play computer games. Whatever it takes to get your mind of it. Focus on the bigger picture and think, how is this actually improving my life? We are here to develop and become better people with each day, but unfortunately sometimes we slip and let ourselves become distracted.
You will probably get bored of it sooner or later anyway but its best now you practice self control and really prove to yourself that you can do something. You will be so much happier and enjoy a more honest relationship with yourself and partner.
...............................
|
