A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay, here's the problem, my friend wont stop copying me, and the thing is i dont even think she knows shes doing it!throughout the time weve been especially close she's copied my style, my music, things i say and do.She gets the credit for things i do, you know like, say if you say something funny and then they say it again, but louder, they get the credit for it? yeah that's happened about, a billion times.I dont know, people would see it as flattery, which i did when it started, but now, it's gotten out of control. I feel like i want to be my own person, but i cant, because whatever i choose to do, she copies me.I confrontd her a few months ago, saying i wantd her to stop, as she did something that was way out of hand.And she said i was a bad person, and that i only care about myself. Does that make any sense?ive put up with it for years, and now i cant handle it.Any help guys? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 June 2010): Seriously, just tell her!!
A
male
reader, Kama  +, writes (24 June 2010):
 Everyone mimics other people. This is why people who hang out together begin to sound alike. Some people are more 'original,' that is, they do less mimicking, or they get the things that they are mimicking from places that are not known to everyone else (other people, TV, etc). You're one of the more original people, and she's quite the opposite, a true mimicker. This, and you can see it especially in young people (as people get older they tend to find themselves a bit more, though some never do) is everywhere, and it is because it is scary and difficult (it takes work and critical thinking) to truly 'be yourself' or as close as you can feel. Your friend is essentially a bit more lazy than you are, but she's doing it because she's extremely insecure with herself, and is too young and inexperienced to understand that she's not "being herself." (I put it in quotes because I believe that we never totally stop mimicking. We're all more like parrots than most of us will ever be aware of, much less accept). So, even though she doesn't understand my reasoning, probably doesn't even know it exists, I think she's right. You do need to care about her a little more. It starts by understanding that she's young, insecure, and still very much at the beginning of finding herself. You can help her, or you can just let her piss you off. By helping her you might find that you discover parts of you that weren't there before, and hence you can become more yourself. But don't let me write your future for you. :) PS - this is really common. IN contrast to the rest of my post: if she's just an annoying person who isn't worth the trouble, then quit hanging out with her. Best!@
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A
female
reader, Annonymous777  +, writes (24 June 2010):
I had this same problem with my next door neighbour when we were in junior high. We were best friends and would hang out almost everyday. Her and her family started copying everything me and my family did. She started shopping at the same stores, they started going to the same hairdresser, if i wanted to take dance class, she wanted to take dance class, if i wanted to take drama lessons, she wanted to take drama lessons. Theres soooo much more and it got sooo frustrating. I had a journal that i wrote everuthing she would copy me on down which kind of helped for some reason just to write it down. It eventualy reached a boiling point though where i just had to distance myself from her. My family had to do the same (they were good friends with her family) because they were out of control copying what my parents did and had. Im no longer friends with her(were not on bad terms or anything) and after a few years my parents started hanging out with her parents again (although it seems like they are starting to go back to their old ways and copy everything again). You may have to distance yourself. You could also explain to her that its getting on your nerves and maybe she will tone it down a notch. Its amazing how something so innocent as that could cause so much frustration but it does and it causes huge resentment towards the other person that is a huge friendship ruiner. If you really dont want to grow apart, just call her out on it more. It souds harsh but even in front of other people call her out on stuff that will probably embarass her so she will be less inclined to do it again (for example if she steals one of your funny lines in front of friends just be like "its kinda weird that you always repeat what i say..do you want other people to think it came from you er something" or something along those lines. She won't know what to say to that and will probably feel pretty akward.
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A
female
reader, england_rock_chic +, writes (24 June 2010):
I've been in the same situation where I say something funny to him (he was like my boy best friend) and he'd say it louder.
I put up with it for ages until he actually had a go at me saying I was always moody etc!!
We worked through it but he still does it, we're not as close anymore. Another girl is my best mate now and this guy has got another girl best mate however we're growing further and further apart its really upsetting.
So my advice would be to say something kindly, like how come you have the same (item) as me?
Say you're flattered that she buys the same stuff as you etc and first it was a compliment but you'd like your own identity. :)
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