A
female
age
36-40,
*he_CityGirl
writes:Is love enough? Or do I need more than just love?I'm dating a guy right now who is very loving towards me, both physically and emotionally. We are both in college. I will be graduating in May and will be moving to another state, and he will be in school for another year. Though his studies are lacking, I have helped him choose a major that interests him. However, he is not motivated to enter the workforce. He has very poor interviewing skills and doesn't even own a suit. His lack of career pursuit is a major turn off, mostly because I want financial stability in the future.Furthermore, he has a bad connection with his family. His family rarely spends time together, and he knows very few of his relatives. His relationship with his mother is horrible. They do nothing, literally nothing, but bicker. She criticizes everything he does, which entices him to do nothing but yell back at her. I have strong family values, and I respect my parents. I want to marry into another family--not marry into avoiding his family. I'm not sure putting up with his family problems would be worth the effort.I think I need more than just love. I know I should probably move on to find someone better. I guess I'm just worried about whether I will find someone else with such a strong emotional connection...
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female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (4 April 2009):
Well there is nothing wrong with having your priorities in order when it comes to marriage.
To be honest, his family problems wouldn't bother me as he could easily just stop talking to them and go his own way.
The fact he has no ambition would be a deal breaker for me though. I'm not all about the cash, and if he was hard working and successful in other ways then that would be fine as long he he could pay some rent. But he doesn't actually sound like he wants to do anything in life.
You can always find someone you click with. If you are happy to stay with him for now then see where it goes and give him a chance to get inspired when he's on his own and watching you fly high in the workplace.
If you are looking for marriage right now, then you may have to move on sooner than later. But to be honest, do you really want to be tied down this soon in your life? It's much easier to be a career girl when you have no one else to consider.
Good Luck!! xx
A
female
reader, SweetSerendipity +, writes (4 April 2009):
Yes, it could get a bit difficult later on in life. There is a big difference when one has potentials but decided not to optimize these potentials than those who have potentials but could not use them due to limitations or disabilities that are beyond their control.
Unless you're ready to make compromises, like you being the breadwinner and he the house husband, for instance, then there may be frustrations in the future for you.
I once dated a guy for a couple of months, then decided to move on because even though we connected on the intellectual and emotional level, I just could not stand him being always late for no obvious reasons. Plus, his dietary restrictions (by choice) also meant that his energy level is soo low (still, not a reason to be always late though lol). I tried slowing down to match his and guess what? he slowed down even further. lol Go figure!
So, you either accept him as he is, or move on to find someone more compatible in reaching for your goals!
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A
male
reader, enjoimx +, writes (4 April 2009):
 Its not that someone else is better than him. Don't judge him for the way he is. If you want someone else, fine, move on, but dont believe you will find "better" ...you WILL find different, but he is a person with feelings, with value. Just because he cant provide you wil "financial security" doesnt mean he is a bad person. WOw, do men OWE you financial security? Thats a very sexist thing to assume. You should be able to take care of yourself financially, men dont own women anything. Maybe in the 40's and 50's but this is 2009 babe. So yeah, move on. You dont like him for who he is. Thats fine find someone you do like. Let him find someone who likes him for who he is, not who you want him to be.
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