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male
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anonymous
writes: Well me and my girlfriend are having Problems. I am 16 Years old and she is 14. We have been dating for alittle over 11 months.I feel bad about what is going on. I make her feel bad all the time,And I know it's breaking us apart. For example if she has to go somewhere with her parents and I can't go,I say sompthing like "Why do You have to do??,Etc"... And then she feels guility about it. Not just that but other things too I make her feel bad about. I want to stop it, But I think I might have some sort of mental issues or something. Also I have lied to her,I have lied to everyone about my life,Etc... But I am afraid to tell her that I have lied. I got suspended for a Bomb Threat at school last year and I told her I didn't do it and that I just got blamed for it. Well I finally told her the other day,And she wasn't upset or anything. But there's other things I want to tell her too. But I am afraid to.. No I haven't cheated on her or anything. Well any help would be greatly appreciated... Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Sally R. Cinnamon +, writes (8 December 2006):
 Hey Anon,
Where there is a will there is a way! You can change yourself if you really want to. I believe that very much. We can ALL become better people.
Here's a useful trick. Firstly, tell your girlfriend that you are not happy that you send her on guilt trips. Tell her you are going to try to stop. It is like quitting smoking. Ask for her help - ask her to give you a sign when you start to make her guilty. You could make it a silly, secret phrase or a sign, something you can both laugh about. Ask her not to shout or get upset but to laugh at you when you are being unreasonable. And when she does say, "the frogs are here" or whatever else the sign is, you should immediately back down and say sorry... and laugh.
All of us have little faults of nature... hot tempers, jealous rages, mood swings, irrational behaviours. You are not odd or strange or evil or insane. You are human and you are you. But there is nothing more worthwhile than looking in your soul, finding something you don't like... and then changing it. Go for it!
Sally
A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (7 December 2006):
 Hi Anon,
It sounds like you're having a hard time dealing with things in your life that upset you. I think it would be very beneficial for you to seek the help of a counselor to help you be able to figure out how to react better to bad news, situations, etc. Maybe you could talk with your parents about getting help to find someone. Or maybe even your school counselor would be able to help.
It's great that you recognize you have a problem and want to do something about it. And remember, there's no shame in going to a counselor - you're trying to better yourself, which in turn will help you to become who you want to be. It will also help you to keep your relationships with other strong - like what you want to have with your girlfriend.
Take care.
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