A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I hit my wife over her back with the plastic end of a hoover the other night. We were staying at my dads house in a single bed and had been drinking for a few hours before hand. We were in bed two hours when she ran out of space and hit me in my sleep to move over. I then pushed her out of bed and she reacted by bitting me in the leg which is the point i reacted by hitting her with the hoover. She then hit me with it before i hit her again. She started crying and at this point I woke up. Although it has been a few days since it happened I fear things will never be the same between us again. She is numb to her feelings and not sure of our future. I have been verbally abusive before to her but never hit her. I know I have issues that anger comes out in when I drink and i have arranged to see a counsellor but I fear I have ruined our marriage! The guilt is overtaking my life and I feel so ashamed as I never dreamt I could do anything like this. Is there anyway we can come out the otherside or should I just do her the biggest favour of her life and leave? I love my wife very much but fear I could have destroyed our lives together. Any advice would be appreciated thanks Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009): Yeah, cut it out with the drinking.
My ex used to make me wrestle her all the time, and she'd get upset if I won. That might seem silly, and her angry face was adorable. But she was serious! :o
One time I was drunk and she tried that. I just picked her up and threw her. Oops. But she was ok :)
You did not ruin your marriage, and if she leaves you, then she's just being petty. If she never comes back and hooks up with someone else, then she is being an adulterer. Hitting her was not good. So don't put yourself in a situation where you are not in control of your actions. Problem solved.
A
female
reader, Murkywaters  +, writes (30 December 2009):
Quit drinking, beg forgiveness. Are you verbally abusive only when you drink? I left my husband after 18 years because of his drinking. I wish I could have convinced him to quit drinking instead. He was a wonderful man except for his alcohol.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009): quit drinking, beg forgiveness. Both of you should learn not to hit though.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 December 2009):
No more drinking together, a lot more talking about how you both feel instead.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009): I think you both need to stop drinking and being violent towards each other. Deal with your issues....both of you. Then worry about whether the marriage is going to work or not. For the time being you both need help so please seek it before someone is really hurt.
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (30 December 2009):
 You sound truly remorseful. You are taking the right steps by seeing a counseler. You could also use a anger management course!
You can't change what has already happened but you can secure the future by nipping the problem in the bud!
I have experience with an almost 20 year abusive marriage. But I try not to judge others by my ex's behavior. Everyone is an individual with different circumstances.
If you sincerely want to repair your marriage, continue counseling. You may want to give her some space and time for her to see you are willing and attempting to make changes. If you think alcohol is at the bottom of this...try A.A. too. Or atleast curb your alcohol intake!
I wish you both luck and happiness in the New Year!
~BG~
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A
male
reader, hameleon89  +, writes (30 December 2009):
 Hi,drinking and anger s really a bad thing, but if things already done, just don't watch back go forward.You'll feel guilt for a long time, it's normal, try talking to her, tell her your problems, about anger drinking, at this stage or you go to a counceler (as you sad you'll do) or you resolve it together, if she loves and understands you she'll forgive and even more maybe encorage you to forget those horrible things!!!
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