A
female
age
41-50,
*iei
writes:Six years ago I met the man I thought was my soul mate. We moved in together and started our lives. Soon after moving in we realized there was something wrong with our sex life. It was non existent. My partner has a very low sex drive, so low that he has a borderline asexual lifestyle. He can easily go months without sex. I can't. In fact, I'd be happy having sex five or six times a week. At the time I believed we could figure it out. I'm a big believer in compromise. We get along in so many other ways that it seemed shallow to end a relationship because of sex. But the issue kept coming up. For years I felt rejected and inadequate. This last year I had settled and resigned myself at 25 years old to live in a sexless relationship. This month I met someone. He is very interested in me and shows me the affection and passion that I have been missing. I feel terrible. I'm slowly falling in love with this other guy. I love my partner, but the lack of sex, affection, and passion makes me feel like I have a room mate, not a lover. I don't know what to do. I'm very comfortable where I am, but I feel like something is missing.My current partner and I have no kids, but we do have a dog. We live together and are not married, but have a Domestic Partnership certificate. I don't know what to do. Should I cut ties with this new guy? Should I leave my current partner? I feel sick over this.
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moved in, roommate, sex drive, sex life, soulmate Reply to this Question
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (30 December 2009):
 You should do nothing that makes you feel sick, but certainly living a sexless life in your 20s must also be somewhat sickening in a way. You have only one life to live on earth, and doing so without some of the greatest pleasures life has to offer would be a shame. What more can I say?
A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (30 December 2009):
 First, for my own curiousity, I'm wondering what a Domestic Partnership Certificate is. I have never heard of such a thing.
As for your problem...Sex is a huge issue! The feelings you are experiencing are real and valid! Don't minimize them. You have a right to want a normal loving relationship. You shouldn't have to spend your life feeling that something is missing.
Your current partner may have a medical condition that can be managed with medication. If he isn't willing to consider your feelings and see a doctor, then the decision is up to you. We here on this site can't tell you whether to stay or go. What do think you should do?
What does your current partner think you should do? If you don't know the answer to that, then it's time to sit him down and have a serious talk!
Just remember, your feelings are valid!
Best of Luck!
~BG~
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