A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This will probably sound ridiculous but I need opinions! My partner and I have been happy together for 3 years. Last night he gave me a lift to a friends house for some drinks and as we were in the car I noticed his car ticked over to 10,000 miles exactly (it's displayed in the middle of the centre console and I just so happened to notice as it was a round number), he then went home then came back to get me a few hours later. When we'd both got home last night we talked about our nights, he said he'd gone straight home and had fallen asleep as he'd been exhausted from work and had woken up literally minutes before I rang him to get a lift home. All good.This morning we got into the car and I noticed it read 10,046 miles. The journey between our house and my friends is 6 miles (done two times each way last night = 24 miles). I thought it was a bit odd so said to him did you go anywhere else last night? He said no; dropped you, went straight home, fell asleep then came and got you. Not been out anywhere else in the car. Now we have a happy and trusting relationship but this doesn't add up. I have explained this to him and he laughed it off saying I must have read it wrong when I got in the car last night but I know I didn't! He's been off with me all day today and now I feel something is really up. I've told him I think he's hiding something as cars don't just magic miles on but he said I'm being pathetic and refuses to talk about it. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (15 October 2013):
 I'm going to be devil's advocate here.
You saw his Odometer click to 10,000 miles when he was on his first trip to take you to your friend's house, right?
Then if I'm understanding this correctly, you were there drinking for a few hours, and then he came back to get you and then took you home, right? The next time you noticed it being 10,046 was in the morning?
He could have done anything innocuous. I don't know about you, but I would have been kinda pissed if someone was hounding me about the mileage on my car right after I did them a big favor, spent my gas money, gave up my evening to escort my boyfriend to a night of drinking, saved him the $50-75 cab fare to get home, and instead of appreciation, started giving a hard time about mileage.
He very much may have lied to you and had gone somewhere he didn't tell you about. In those cases, your nose would have told you as much as your eyes did. If he smelled of smoke, body oil, alcohol on his breath, or overall unfamiliar, that could have been casino or strip club or bar, depending on how close any of those things are.
Never EVER reveal a bit of information like this at that stage. Those types of possible lies are only good if you bundle them, meaning you saw a mileage discrepency, didn't say anything, and then made a mental note to watch. If the same 11-22 mile lapse kept showing up, then find out which relevant stuff could be accessible in that range.
You reveal lies not by hounding, but by disinformation. If he isn't telling the truth, you could catch him by making up something notable on the road "you must have seen that green car that was hit by the deer my friend told me about" or something like that. The hesitation of his addressing that story would have told it all. The "oh yeah, it was awful", and you've caught him.
Have you done that before, questioned him on other things like that? It's possible he's not telling you something innocent because he's wanting space if you're doing that. If he feels like you put him under a microscope, he may hide things simply because he doesn't like the pressure, but doesn't want the fireworks of telling you to get off of his back.
Like I said, never reveal stuff like that at this stage. That only makes him better at covering his tracks when you reveal the "tells". You stay quiet and observe for a length of time to see if that is a pattern, or it's accompanied by odd smells, lapses in his story, other strange behavior. When you confront, you do it with a lot more than mileage. Excess mileage isn't a bad thing. he may have just needed a drive and took the long way home, which I have done on many occasions because driving calms me down.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (14 October 2013):
 It does seem odd, but not really enough to take any drastic action over. I would have assumed he ran a few errands that weren't even worth a special mention, but he's adamantly denied even that.
You've already mentioned it, he's responded so mentioning it again is likely to stir up more trouble than it will resolve.
Keep a lazy eye on the situation for now. If nothing else seems amiss in the coming weeks then file it for future reference.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2013): I would give him the benefit of the doubt for now. But be watchful for anything suspicious in the coming weeks. The first reaction of someone caught out is to bluff it out. You can do no more without looking paranoid. It could nothing, so wait and see.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2013): Your math is right. It doesn't add up.
Maybe get a GPS tracking device and stick it under his car.
Or hire a detective to follow the guy. Which is what I would do only because I don't want to spend all my time trying to figure out what he is up to and I would want my answer quickly so I am not left sitting there wondering what else he may be lying about.
He is clearly covering his tracks.
If he has lied about this, he has lied about other things as well in your relationship.
The trust is gone and I would forever be suspicious.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000 +, writes (14 October 2013):
 You're right. It does not add up. Time for you to become Sherlock Holmes.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (13 October 2013):
 You write: ".... Now we have a happy and trusting relationship...".... but, you really DON'T, do you????
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (13 October 2013):
 There's a saying: If it looks like shit and smells like shit...it's shit!!
22 miles is quite a journey, not like he had to take a detour because of roadworks or went for a drive (which he'd have told you about).
That alibi was a little too slick, if it were me, I'd be suspicious too.
Sit on it!, he's not going to tell you the truth and maybe he will slip up again and you can get to the truth. Saying you are pathetic is hardly the right way of putting your mind at rest is it?...
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A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit +, writes (13 October 2013):
 Cars do not just add miles on for no good reason unless the milometer is faulty.
When you asked him what he did last night, his answer was too detailed and sounded defensive.
An innocent man would have said "Home, why?" He gave you a detailed alibi, why would he do that?
There's no evidence he's been unfaithful but he's definitely lying about something and that's not good at all.
The fact that he's off with you today and trying to make you think that your pathetic or have misread the mileage is very suspicious behaviour.
There is a discrepancy of 22 miles, so that potentially works out as a maximum driving distance away, from your drop off point, of 11 miles (because he would have driven the other 11 back to you). Is there a restaurant, a strip club, dogging site or casino anywhere in that radius that he may have visited?
I would be more insistent and tell him outright that your NOT pathetic and your not imaging things. You KNOW that he was somewhere else and you want to know where. Tell him that his refusal to tell you is only worsening your suspicions.
You could always get the car to a garage and get the milometer checked I suppose but my guess is the fault is not with car.
Just brace yourself though because you may just hear something you dread.
I wish you well and hope this helps AB x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2013): I too notice little details like this, so i understand where you're coming from. for now I'd drop it but observe him closely for a couple of weeks or so to see if anything else seems off. If this is the only thing though you notice, then it's not really that much to go by. maybe he had to go to get petrol or a supermarket to pick up some supplies and thought it wasn't worth mentioning to you?
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