A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have posted questions on here before about me and my mums bad relationship, which is basically down to me lying about my older boyfriend when we first got together, then lying again a few weeks ago when I applied for my passport so that I could go visit him in India where he is working at the moment, without telling my mum and dad. The problem is no matter how many times I hurt my mum through lying, and no matter how many times afterwards I tell myself from now on I'm going to be up front with her, I still lie! This week my visa for india has arrived, another thing my mum doesnt know aboout as I told her I was only thinking about going. I have arranged with my boyfriend to go out on the 10th of march, which I know is like 12 days away! My mum knows a special delivery came for me (which was my visa) but i didnt open it infront of them. My parents are out shopping and I'm sat here now crying my eyes out knowing that as soon as they get home I'm going to have to confess all and create more trouble due to my lies. I really need help, I think I may have a problem and that is why I keep on lying. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, jessica04  +, writes (27 February 2009):
 I am having problems understanding why you're lying about what seem to be fairly minor things. Are your parents very conservative? Dot they financially support you and often threaten to take away money and support?
I decided on a whim I was going to visit a friend in London, the hop over to Ireland by myself for a few days, and I told them right as that idea popped into my head.... So I'm not sure why this is a big deal for you...
I do suggest therapy, which can get expensive, but can also be covered by medical insurance. Check with your provider and see what your benefits are. Considering your parents have told you they only want the truth, the rest doesn't matter, I am surprised that you feel compelled to lie.
A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (27 February 2009):
 Just write down what you want to tell them and give it to them in a letter because then you will be less inclined to lie! X
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (27 February 2009):
 Well I'm afraid you either find a way to get the courage to tell them the truth all the time or find a good therapist who specialises in personality disorders/behavioural disorders.
Therapy definately will help you but it can be expensive. Or with the NHS route you will be waiting a while as they have very long waiting lists. Maybe if you tell your parents you want to stop lying to them and think therapy will help then maybe they will help towards the costs.
Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did think that maybe a therapist would be a good idea. The thing is I first lied because I didnt think my parents would approve of what I was doing, at least then I knew the reason behind my lies. But since then my parents told me the only reason they were so mad was because I didnt tell the truth and if I had been open with them, there wouldn't have been an issue. So now I just don't know why I can never bring myself to tell the truth. I always build myself up to say whatever it is i need to tell them but then wimp out, and then it only gets worse the longer I leave it!
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (27 February 2009):
At least you recognise your lying is wrong, that is a good start. If you have tried to be honest before but it has failed, then I think the best thing for you to do is see a therapist. They can really help you understand your compulsion to lie and help you to solve it.
Apart from seeing a therapist I cant think of anything else for you to do I'm afraid. There will be reasons behind your lies that are deep rooted psychologically and only a therapist will be able to help with this.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, kellyxxx +, writes (27 February 2009):
You need help, what is the reason behind your lying? Do you not want them to be involved in your life? Do you want to protect them from things? You need to work out the reason why and then sit down with them and talk! Get evrything out in the open and stop being so childish, if you are doing something then don't lie about it, you're an adult and you should act like one! Xx
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