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I think I love her like a family member now, am I falling out of love ?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Faded love, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 April 2007) 3 Answers - (Newest, 26 April 2007)
A male United States age 36-40, *k06 writes:

I have been dating my girlfriend for nearly a year. I have started to notice a change in my feelings, and I just wanted to know what you guys thought.

I used to be super-excited to see her every time that I did. Now, I am still happy to see her, and I look forward to it... but its not that same super-thrill like it used to be.

I am still very attracted to her. But, I see her as a best friend. I have never felt this way about a girl, and I think I have been in love before... but it didnt feel like this.

I would lay my life down for this woman in a heartbeat, but I would also do that for my family and really good friends. The truth is, I feel like I love my girlfriend like a family member.

I just wanted to know if this seemed like I was falling deeper into love with her... or coming out of love.

View related questions: best friend

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A female reader, deejuliet United States +, writes (26 April 2007):

deejuliet agony auntThe beginning of a relationship is always so very exciting. You get butterflies when she walks into a room and obsess about when you will see her next. This is called infatuation, or as the previous writer called it, the honeymoon phase. As you really get to know someone and really get to LOVE someone, some of that excitement wears off to be replaced by something deeper and more meaningful. You may still get butterflies sometimes, and you should! But you cannot expect to feel the same giddiness of new romance forever that you felt in those early months. I wholeheartedly agree with mr anomynous whose advice came just before mine. Good luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 April 2007):

I think you should go with the flow. The "honeymoon period" always ends in relationships and is followed by a time when things become settled and stable. There will still be times when you will be filled with intense emotion for her, but it will also be more stable and solid. You can grow closer and bond even more. It depends whether you want to settle down or have a few more sprints around the block with other people and have this intense feeling a few more times!

If you want to find out if you have the potential of a long term relationship with your girlfriend and are not too bothered about chasing others (you would get to this point with any one of them any way) now is the time when you can start exploring life's adventures together. I mean joint activities, adventures, travel and things like that. Being compatible in these areas of life is much more important than worring about losing the first fireworks. If you still find her desireable then develop that too by adding romance and excitment that side of things. Up to you to find that bit out, I could write a novel on it.

If you decide you are too young to settle down that is fine. You may end up together at some stage in future, you may not, it depends on how you both feel. Some people think that first loves are the major ones and I agree having re-found mine 30 years after we split up. I just wish I had not bothered with many of the adventures in between.

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A male reader, lupa-k United Kingdom +, writes (26 April 2007):

Relationships go through different stages. It would be impossible to lust after someone the same way throughout your whole life. What seems to have happened here is that your relationship has progressed to the next stage, where you feel much more comfortable with her, and, like with family members would find life quite difficult to comprehend without her.

It doesnt sound like you need to worry about too much here, just try to go with the flow and enjoy the times that you have together as much as possible. But do try to keep romantic things happening so as never to get too comfortable

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