A
female
age
26-29,
*ahblissah anderson
writes:Dear agony aunts,I have a very pondering thought, it's just that:I wonder what good can come out of love, I mean to tell you the truth I kind of hold a grudge against it, I mean every person I've seen around me always fall out of it quickly or doesn't feel a spark anymore, I mean it's not like I'm going to fall in love, I mean it's just that How do you know that person is right for you if you do? How do you know If they would just run out on you? it's very sad to think of what if that happen to me? I believe in true love, not just in and out relationship, but that's what I've been holding a grudge against, most people I know in my town aren't like that they're fast and just don't know how to act, I'm just wondering is everyone on earth like that? -sincerely-
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2013): Hi there!
For me,falling in love is like purchasing stuff online. It always involve risk. For you never know whether the person who sells the item is real or not. There is always a risk that the other party might just a fraud or something.
But since you really like the item, you go for it and impulsively hit the buy it now button. Now the consequence of impulsive decision follows. If its so great, Wow! its a happy ending. But if its not, its war. You might not be able to get your money back. In short there's really no guarantee, risky and scary.
I am not discouraging you about love. Its good to be extra careful. There is really no definite ways to know or to tell if the person is the right one for you or not, unless you try to be really with that person.
Love expires. Every beginning does have their own ending. That's the reality.
A
female
reader, jahblissah anderson +, writes (15 October 2013):
jahblissah anderson is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you so much, those answers are really helpful, when I was writing the question I was deep in thought but I have been pondering on that for a while now.
I am really grateful that someone saw my question. And niw if I'm lost and don't know what to do I know that I can trust agony aunts :)
Thanks
-sincerely
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (14 October 2013):
 I think the problem is that the people 'around you' are presumably the same age right (16-17)? Which means what they call 'love' is very different to what an adult would call love. Teen relationships are normally very intense and very short lived. You fall hard, ignore the many things that make you incompatible, hormones get involved, you argue a lot, realise that you are not in fact very well suited, and then bang relationship ends.
Whereas when you get to my age, 26, you have made enough mistakes as a teenager to learn what you are actually looking for in a relationship, you learn how to spot the good guys and you are more emotionally (and hormonally) stable which means you are better equipped to deal with the drama that relationships can bring.
Relationships and love are hard work. It requires a lot of effort, a lot of maturity, time, patience and communication. Teenagers simply dont have that aged 16-17, so they dont do very well at love and relationships. Hence why so many teens are breaking up all of the time.
Good news is, at my age, you can easily spot the right person to be with (well some people can!) and you can be pretty certain your love will last forever. It took me about 6 serious boyfriends before I met my fiance, I was in and out of relationships from the age of 15-24 before I met my Mr Right. How did I know he was right? Quite simply because he makes me laugh. We have so much fun together, I am so comfortable around him and I am happier than I have ever been. He's not the best looking (and neither am I!), he's not rich, we dont even have loads in common, but we love each other very much, we care about each other and we are happy together. And we are getting married next year : )
How do I know he's not going to walk out on me? I dont. No-one can ever be sure that their relationship is going to last. All sorts of things can go wrong, and you cannot predict the future. Love is a risk, it always has been and it always will be - there is a lyric from a song I like "where you invest your heart, you invest your life". It is a major investment, after all you are trusting your heart with another person and vice versa. Yes it can go wrong. But equally if it goes right, your investment will really pay off. Yes you could end up single again with a broken heart. Or you could end up growing old with the man you love, building many wonderful memories together, having children, having grandchildren, having fun and sharing your lives together. To me that outweighs the risk.
And one final quote to leave you with 'it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all'.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 October 2013):
 What you call true love is really tradition and family pressures to stay married. I can't speak for all, but in my life I feel that the "love each other till us part" kind of love has been heavily sold on us and when people fall short of the ideal we get so disenfranchised.
Is everyone in the world like that? No if you count other cultures with their own restrictive customs, sometimes violating human rights, to hold their marriage in place. I would much rather live in the Western free world than in countries where I feel trapped.
I feel that love is to inspire, and to let go when it no longer serves us. I am talking about the love between two romantic couples, the love for children is a different thing.
I had been frustrated in love, but at the same time I feel that if I value freedom and authentic self expression, then I can't go back to old values, cling to security and have it both ways.
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