A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello Agony Aunts/Uncles! Thanks for taking the time to read, I'll try not to be too repetitive in the telling :)In summary, I met this guy J online. He's got a lot (and I do mean A LOT) of baggage to work through, not the least being that he broke up with his ex (whom he was madly in love with) only a month before meeting me. That on top of his long history of family issues has left him pretty severely depressed and suicidal at times. He is on meds, but I can't be sure if he's seeing a therapist regularly because he lives in Melbourne and I in Singapore.I understand that I'm very likely a rebound, especially since I have almost the exact same name as his ex. However, in all our interactions (we talk/kik/Skype everyday) we have been ridiculously compatible right down to the number of children we wanted in our then-separate futures. Unfortunately, thanks to the aforementioned baggage, when he's feeling really low he will apologise and say he cannot commit to anything because he was hurt so badly the last time. He tells me he loves me and would have married me but for that ex, and honestly I find myself taking that with a pinch of salt even though I know I am starting to care for him deeply in my turn.My question is, how do I help him on the road to recovery? Even if the romantic aspect fails to materialise I do still care for him as a friend and want to help him as much as I can. Work commitments prevent me from being physically there for at least another 2 years, so any solutions would have to negotiate around that.Thanks in advance!
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female
reader, Miss.Cupid  +, writes (15 October 2013):
 To be honest the only thing that can heal a broken heart is time. He needs time to find himself again, and to love again. You cant come into his like and all of a sudden every single part of pain his ever felt will simply disappear. unfortunately it doesn't work that way. I do however thing the best thing you can do at this time is to be there for him, be a friend. You don't have to jump into a relationship so quickly, give it time. He first needs a friend, someone he can trust, talk to, then it builds into something more. I'm not guaranteeing that it will happen, but give it a chance, and later on if you feel as though it wont work, that's when the friendship comes in hand. Good Luck.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 October 2013):
 I don't think you CAN fix this FOR him.
He needs to either seek help (be it meds, therapy or self-help).
I think you NEED to accept that he can't be what you want him to be. A friend, yes - more, no. He might not be capable of anything more down the line either.
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