A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I met a man on a website...I wasn't expecting much from it but now my heart is in it. We have been chatting on and off for about 6 weeks now. He does text me as well but lately it has gotten less. It was supposed to be fun, but I got a bit shy when we decided to cam for the first time. He asked me about it a week later, said he understood and then sent me a text on Valentines day. That was the last I heard from him. He has asked me to come to Brisbane where he lives...I declined the first invite but we have spoken about it since without definate plans. I also sent him a pkg with a bottle of cologne and a story I had written for him. Since Valentines day I have heard nothing. I should have never let my heart get involved but it has and now I dont know what to think. By the way...he is a lecturer at a major Uni and is also extremely busy. I have not sent him anything i.e. text, email or tag in 2 days and don't intend to now either. I just need some advice...I need to know if there is a chance or have I ruined it with him by being a bit insecure!! please help!! I think I have fallen and don't want to go any deeper!!!
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female
reader, OhGetReal  +, writes (19 February 2011):
 I get a creepy feeling when I hear stories like this. First off, how can you deeply fall in love with someone you have never met in person and only chat on line with on the internet. I understand that some good friendships can be forged this way, but when it comes to romance it gets pretty manipulitive and creepy.
You see this guy is a Universtiy Professor and is busy with his life, why is it that you think he can't find a girlfriend where he lives? What with all those college kids around and being well known and active? He is he socially retarded? Something wrong with him mentally, has a sexual disfunction, maybe even a predatory psychopath? You do realize that not all sociopaths and psychopaths are serial killers and or in jail? They are psychologists, doctors, teacheres, politicians, police officers, nurses, janitors....they walk among us.
When ever you get on line and start typing, there is a danger that you are feeding this guy all sorts of information about you which he then in turn can use to manipulate you by telling you what you want to hear and being the kind of person he thinks you want. He is obviously a very smart guy, you don't think this might be an easy thing for him to do? You haven't heard from him in several days at all after sending him a romantic gift. I think that disappearing act is a test to see just how easily he can control you, how much distancing behavior you can put up with....in short a bad sign, he's not that busy, he has a web cam an the internet and probably comes home every night and gets on line with a different woman. You don't really think he has only done this with you, now do you? How did you meet? On a dating web site?
All I am saying is don't fall for this guy, you don't know him, period.
And be very careful, also about going to where he is, have him come to you and get him a hotel...and tell your friends and family where you are.
Better yet, stop dating men via web cam and meet real men in your own community where you can check their background out, find people who know about their character and basically take your time shushing them out before falling for anyone.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (19 February 2011):
 It's actually really hard to tell who this guy is or what he wants. You haven't said when he asked you to go visit him, Was it before or after you saw eachother on webcam? When you said you got shy on the cam, was it because he wanted to get sexual?...or did you just not want him to see you?
You have fallen pretty hard for him but how well do you know him? You can't always tell how a person really is and if they are suitable for you until you have met them in person.
If he has gone quiet, it may be because he thinks you want different things from the relationship. He knows you arekeen, you sent him gifts but said you wouldn't go to meet him? overall he sounds confused.
You need to decide where this is all going. If things were to get off the ground, would you relocate to be with him? Some people just enjoy an online thing but can get impatient when the other person doesn't respond often enough. This is because you are not in touch with their daily life or routine, so it's hard to get a sense of perspective on things.
If you really like this guy then tell him you'd like to go meet him, make the travel arrnagements and go. It is a risk, but if you don't do it, you won't ever know.
If you do only want to keep it as an online casual thing then you are going to have to take what comes...the choice is yours.
Good luck x
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