A
female
age
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*ister1959
writes:I think my husband's ex wife may still be in love with him.This is such a bizarre story-- at least to me. My husband's ex walked out on him about 9 years ago. I'm sure there are two sides to each story and no doubt she felt like she had a reason to leave so I hesitate to judge anyone's motives for leaving a relationship. The thing that I truly didn't understand was that she left her sons. Granted, they were teenagers but they weren't gone from home and they still needed a mother. I am told that although she was a good mother to them when they were small, she sort of grew away from them and into her own little world. My husband maintains that she went "menopausal" and lost her mind. Well, at the time she was 39 so I think that even though a hormonal problem is possible, it is highly unlikely. I, myself, am now 51 and truly going through menopause and although I suffer daily with every complaint known to womankind, I've never felt like abandoning those I love. I'm thinking she might have had some mental issues going on. She was (is) a poet and I found some poems that she had written that were haunting. She is talented but the poems literally gave me goosebumps because of their dark, depressing nature. After she left, neither filed for divorce. It wasn't until I came along and the two of us fell in love that he filed. She never contested the divorce, never showed up at any of the proceedings, but she did leave a couple of alarming phone messages for my husband and we had a couple of late night hang-ups that we had never had before or since. My husband and I lived together for over a year before we got married and every family function that we attended with his kids, his ex was right there. She often sat back and made derrogatory comments towards my husband but she would also watch him when he wasn't looking and smile when he would say something. I'm not a master at knowing everything there is to know about love, but I saw something there. I think she still has feelings for him.Now that they are divorced and he is married to me, she has conveniently been sick or busy any time there was a family function. Do you think that she thought he would stay married to her indefinitely and that she had the option of coming back at any time?I know that if she truly is mentally ill, there's no way anyone can predict what she was/is thinking, but was just wondering what others might think of this situation.Thanks for any input!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2009): I would say that yes, she does have mental disorder(s). When someone can walk so easily away from their own children, it is beyond me, but it does happen from time to time. The issues they are struggling with become the priority instead of the family. She is playing games with her coy smiles and derogatory comments.Who knows but her what really goes through her mind.I wouldn't worry too much about her or what her intentions or thoughts might have been (or still are). Hard to say for sure.The fact that she has a dark creative side to her further adds to the fact that she has mental issues. Having one or the other does not necessarily mean you have the other, but this is common in people who might be viewed as mentally ill or deranged by others.Count yourself lucky that she no longer attends the family functions. Perhaps that is detrimental to her children, but it can only mean a better time for you and your husband!Even if she is still burning a candle for your husband, let her. She seems to be out of the picture, and he is with you, not her.
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female
reader, megan1111 +, writes (15 January 2009):
This happened to my Dad. I assume she found the grass was not greener on the other side, just where you water it the most. In other words, she realizes she lost a good man because good men are hard to find. My mom is bitter because she left him and every man so far has not measured up to him. They may have been better sexually, but sex is not everything. Now that he's happy, she views my step-mom as someone who took him although they found each each other after the separation. Yeah my mom attends many of the family functions because they were married for so long. Eventually, she is letting go, I guess she never figured someone would love him so.Since she is missing the family functions, I think that's good because it is an awkward feeling for her. It's better she not attend and I wonder why you're worried unless you miss attending family functions on her side of the family.I suggest you love him, love the kids, and tell him how you honestly feel.
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