A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been going out with my boyfriend for a year and 3 months now and I think he keeps lying to me. First of all (this was about 8 months ago) i found some messages on his phone from and to another girl. She kept asking loads of times if she could call him yet and he was saying he was at work, (which he would have been.) Then some of the texts were getting dirty. Then finally he blew her off and said he was going in the military.When I questioned him about this, he said that someone else had been using his phone and that that person was texting his girlfriend. But, the person he blamed is still at school, so there was no way it could have been him, because his girlfriend would have known he was still at school, so not able to go in the military. And the person he blamed doesn't have a job, so he wouldn't have been at work when she was asking if she could call yet. Also, a few weeks / months later he was talking about this boys girlfriend. And her name wasn't the name which was saved on his phone. I then said to him i thought her name was so and so. He said oh no that's her mum. So basically he was implying that this guy was sending dirty messages to his girlfriends mums phone? I dont think so?Also, (this ones a bit silly) his phone was once off until 4am. His phone is always on and he sends messages to me often so this wasn't usual for him. I got the delivery messages at around 4am so when they came through I called him. He acted like he had been asleep when i called him and he said that his phone had ran out of battery but then the next morning I thought "how can his phone automatically turn itself on at 4am."Anyway the next week I was talking to a friend of mine and I found out that he had been to his friends house (a party I think?) that night. So maybe when he was out his phone did run out of battery, so he put it on charge when he got home. I don't know why he did't just tell me he'd been out? I wouldn't have gone mad.And he managed to ditch me on new years eve to go to a party even though he said he would spend it on me. But he used the excuse that 'he didn't want to get up early for work'. Well, I would have gone to another city to see my friends for new year if he hadn't said he would spend it with me. So if he can tell me about a party when he's supposed to be with me, why can't he tell me about one when we weren't supposed to be spending time together?This happened again recently, he didnt say good night to me (he says good night to me every night). I was sending messages to his phone but he wasn't replying, but i was getting delivery reports, so i knew his phone was on. I called him and he finally answered. He said he had been asleep and his phone battery had ran out. And I said to him, what? so your phone magically put itself on charge and turned itself on. He got frustrated and i said to him, i believe ur battery ran out, but it doesn't put itself on charge and turn itself on, so what's the excuse for you not texting me?These might sound stupid, but it's really killing me. Why does he lie? He says he loves me, i'm his whole world, he never wants to lose me. But then he lies to me like this. Even when we 1st got together his friend said he was a bit of a liar. And some of the stories he comes out with in general conversation just sound silly like he's making them up. He's in his early 20's!! surely he should have grown up by now.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): honey, i really feel for u but this guy is doing no good for u. i understand that u have strong feelings for him but by accepting his lies ure just giving him permission for him to continue and to disrespect u.
i think the best thing to do is to have some time off. u need the time to reflect over the current issues and to see things in a more objective manner. also it sounds like u have become emotionally dependent on this guy which is not healthy or good for u. this emotional dependency has allowed u to justify his actions when deep down u know u deserve to be treated better and that he is disrespecting u. u need to take a step back to to think things over and whether or not u want to be continued to be treated this way.
this time off will also empower u because it will put him in a unstable position and im sure he will not expect u to take such action since he sounds like the more dominant partner.
also it sounds like he may be fooling around with other girls. im sorry if this is hurtful but u must recognise the truth. its strange for him to lie to u about going to a party when he know u would object to it if he behaved accordingly has a bf.
i think that he does have feelings for u, but ur feelings are way stronger towards him (usually the case in relationships). hes taking u for granted, so please, its time to give urself some time off and to contemplate ur rel. dont try to contact him and only contact him when u feel ready (make sure he knows this). also give him reasons why u need time off. if u have a hard time telling him in person just write it in an email -dont mention anything bout breaking up, just say that "u need some time off to make some important decisions in life and that he should contact u ONLY when u make the first move"
not only will this give u some time to rebuild urself as an individual and reclaim some independency, but it will also empower u in the situation and it will def demotivate him from looking elsewhere- so dont worry about that.
the time off will also benefit him to understand what he did wrong and how he has taken u for granted. if u continue being weak and giving in to him, then hes going to continue playing with other girls, lying to u and being with u. something u do not want because its going to cause a lot more pain in the long run than temporary taking some time off from the rel to make that drastic decision of staying with him or leaving for good.
good luck and just to let u know ive been through the same situation and ive learnt from it
x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni do believe he loves me though.
he spends all his days off work with me. and he works in a job where he spends a lot of hours there. late at night. so his days off are pretty much most of his free time. he even waits at my house all for me whilst i am at college.
he spent probably most of his spare wages on me at christmas. and hes not one to blow it on someone else when he can spend it on himself.
he went out of his way for me to go to another city because i was there and i wanted him to be there for a specific occasion.
cheers though guys. i appreciate your answers..
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (5 April 2010):
 If you want him and aren't willing to move on, you need to be prepared for him to continue lying to you. Why would he stop when he knows you're going to stay with him and put up with his deceit?
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A
female
reader, advice angel  +, writes (5 April 2010):
 you need to talk to him about these lies then dont you?? :/ x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionp.s.
i have no backbone. i hatee confrontation and he knows im upset him with but i am finding it really really difficult to tell him. i've sat in my room and cried about this a lot of times because i dont know what to do about it but i've just got over it afterwards because i dont dare tell him that im so upset because when i did say something about texting that girl, he got in a massive mood and said he was gonna go home cuz there was no point in him being there if i didnt trust him.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 April 2010):
 This guy lies a lot, you caught him red handed many times . Even his friends say he's a liar. So we may assume he is a liar.
So way should he be sincere when he tells you he loves you and you are his whole world etc.etc. ? Maybe he lies about that too. How can you trust him to tell you the truth on anything ?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): Some people lie to save others feelings. We call those white lies. Im sure we have all done that once or twice. Your boyfriend seems to be lying to cover his tracks. In other words he doesnt always want you to know what hes doing. He may be in his 20's but that doesnt mean he should have "grown out" of lying. Lying is a character flaw. People can lie at any age. So its not something he will just grow out of. Its some thing he might do forever. Or not. Its up to him really.
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A
female
reader, advice angel +, writes (5 April 2010):
right,this boy has issues,there should be NO LYING!!! in a RELATIONSHIP.
bad or good relationship,there should be no lying
you seriously need to confront this man about his lies
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni dont want to see other people though. i want him.
there's another side to him though. he acts like hes a hard man. but inside he's so sweet. whenever im with him we're always just snuggling up together on the sofa or whatever. and when we're together over night we hug each other or hold hands all night. so i do feel loved by him when im with him. i just dont get these lies.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2010): This guy is garbage. You can do better! Grow some backbone and tell him you know he's a liar and you want to see other people. You can find a nice guy. They're out there and they're frustrated that the bad boys are getting all the action. The bad thing is, you're attracted to him BECAUSE of the way he is acting.
If this is too hard for you, take a week off and see how things go.
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