A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 20 year old female who works at a grocery store and attends college full time. Over the last four years or so, I've developed a friendship with an older man who is a customer. We've talked about everything from cars(we both love muscle/classic cars) to our families to school to traveling... even the idea of us traveling together someday! ( Just for the record, I'm not dumb enough to just hop into a car with this guy and hightail it to Mexico or anything without developing a closer friendship first....)Just recently, we've talked about our ages... and he revealed that he's 40. This was surprising because he looks much younger but nonetheless, that was the least of my worries. I find myself thinking of him quite often and getting especially excited when I notice that he's sent me an email. I feel like we have a great connection, not to mention we seem to have many things in common, despite the large age gap. When I see him at the store, he comes off as being flirty... once in a while, he'll touch my arm or just stand close... or give me glances that seem to last forever when we start to walk opposite ways. Since the emailing has just begun as of late, I'm having a hard time with deciding how I should go about this whole situation. I tried to ask him out for coffee, figuring I could get a better feel for how I really feel about him... and maybe try to read how he feels about me, without having the situation be completely personal and awkward but he declined saying that he had work to do. I feel like this could be a legit excuse because he owns his own business but wouldn't he try to reschedule if he were interested? I've been justifying it with the fact that he might just feel like "the creepy old guy." I'm torn between telling him how I feel (being attracted to him physically and mentally) and ruining a potentially good friendship or maybe something more by scaring him off (keeping in mind that I have to see him at my place of employment at least once a week).... and losing my sanity and sleep over trying to decode his messages/mannerisms.Please help!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2007): Im 28 year old guy, i have a major crush on a 16 year old girl. I totally feel like the creepy old guy, so my guess is that is exactly how he feels. He might enjoy the attention you give him, he might enjoy being flirty, but its a bit daunting when you know that the girl is so much younger than you. Thats the reason why I would never ask my crush out. It just seems ridiculous.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2007): I am thinking he is just a friendly guy and he enjoys seeing some of the same people when he comes into his neighborhood store....but maybe he does not know you like him like that since he is really so much older than you are....he may not be interested in dating you because you are so much younger, maybe he likes women closer to his own age.
Do you even know whether or not he is married or in a relationship? You could start by asking him that if you haven't already, that is sort of a fishing question that he might pick up on.
I think most men will do the asking out on a date if they want to date you unless there is some reason they can't, like they are your boss at work for instance. Most guys are not that shy about going after what they want, especially since he has had plenty of opportunity to get to know you and to ask....so you may just have to wait and see what he does, maybe he is not single just now.
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (25 February 2007):
Hmm this is tricky situation. He seems to be giving you mixed signals. Him coming into your work so often could be a sign he is coming to see you or he could be doing his weekly shopping like many people do. The fact that you have his email address shows he must like you in some form or another to give it out to you. And if he sometimes touches you and moves closer when talking then that again is a sign that he might have some feelings for you. That or some people are just more physical around others.
I see how him not agreeing to going out for coffee with you could be a sign that hes not interested. But then again you seem to feel his excuse could be reasonable. I personaly go by the thought that if someone turns you down because they are too busy then if they really wanted to see you they would suggest another time to meet up or they would def make an effort to show they are interested in seeing you again. If he hasnt done this then I would maybe not be sure if he is really itnered in you that much. But he could just be shy about the whole thing as he is alot older then you.
Suggest meeting up with him again. Instead of saying 'hey wanna meet up sat morning for a coffee' say 'do you wanan meet up for a coffee sometime when you arent busy?' that way he cant use the 'im busy' excuse. good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello Eve,
Thanks for answering. Yes, we've been chatting for about 4 years but it hasn't become "flirty" until recently (within the last year or so). He frequently talks about his friends and family, and says that there is no wife. He even once said that he wonders "if he would've went out more, if he would've been married by now." I don't think it adds up either... but I will definitely keep you updated! Thank you for your help!
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (25 February 2007):
 This has been going on for 4 years right? I find it strange that he has built up this friendship with you yet never asked you out. Do you know much about him? Is he married? Does he talk about his family or friends at all? It's perfectly natural for a man to be married and come into a grocery store once a week and this would explain whe he declined your offer for coffee.
Be careful you're not just an ego boost for him. Find out for sure if there's any wife or partner(and kids) in the equation before getting carried away with dreams of grandeur. Something just doesn't add up here.
I may be totally wrong of course but I'd be doing my own detective work on him to see how he's placed. If he doesn't have a significant other then ask him again for coffee. If he declines again hit him between the eyes and ask him outright "why do you keep declining my offer?" and see what he says. He'll come up with another legitimate excuse of course so go on and say "okay then, YOU make a time and place then." Again, wait for his response. If he can't at least go for a coffee with you then there's more to it.
Eve (Keep me updated, I'd be interested to know)
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