A
male
age
30-35,
*opher747
writes:Hello there. I have a problem. recently I've really started to like this guy at work but hes going of to uni till December.The problem is I'm gay and I and lots of other people think he is but he has a girl friend. I'm ok with that because i really do think he is gay and he just needs time to work that out.But I think I should tell him I'm gay because it might make him think. How can I tell him?I think it will be awkward because of the sort of things we have done at work, like when he plays with my hair or touches my leg of when he was licking my fingers. (you see why I think he is gay)But I really want to tell him and I don't know how any insight on the situation would be great.thanks for reading :)
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male
reader, jc2008 +, writes (23 September 2013):
Hey TopherIf I were you, I wouldn't bother. You can tell him your gay if you want to and when you do tell him say you're doing it because you see him as a friend, but beyond that you might not get very far. He has got a girlfriend and if he is closeted he is likely to be scared of being gay so you won't get a positive reaction. He is also going off to uni so if you do end up going out with him, you will have to say goodbye to him anyway. You're going to miss him as a friend in any case. Once he is at uni he will start to discover himself and if he is gay, he would have come to terms with it there and then. If he is flirting, I know some straight guys who flirt with guys more than women, its just laddish banter. I'd advise you to go and find someone who is out, comfortable with themselves and isn't going to move away. Long distance relationships aren't that great trust me. Hope it works out for you.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (23 September 2013):
 IF he is flirting this way with you then he KNOWS you are gay. Or at least bi.
I agree with Janniepeg - you are better off finding a guy who isn't hiding it (he could be bi too) OR who is ACTUALLY gay and INTERESTED in a relationship.
If he has chosen to have a GF, he has (for now at least) made a choice to be hetero or be perceived as a heterosexual guy. Which means the likely hood that he will want to have a gay relationship is slim.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 September 2013):
 You have to treat this just as any other office flirting. There are many closeted businessmen and dads that would not risk their reputation by having an affair, let alone being openly called gay. They would go on business trips, get their secret desires fulfilled, then go home and live a normal life.
I think you are better finding someone who is brave enough to be themselves and not care what other people think. A guy who is able to live a heterosexual life is too risky for you.
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