A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My guy and I have been together for 23 yrs several years ago he started doing drugs, working late, anger always, money loss, not call, weird unexplainable misc. things, social scene I never new about, went to bars, hung at home socializing when I with kids, left us with no heat, left when argue, took 2 hrs to go to store, carried backpack, took calls out of earshot, lied, carried tons of cd's with his name on ea on carried planner like it was golden, spend a weekend away for work(he is a contractor) liked songs that were about new girlfriend. And much worse. Fit criteria for almost all cheater behaviors. Denies vehnemently any infidelity blames it on stress and drugs. This for 1 year I told there or us he came back accused me of cheating. Was sad like death in family for 3 days. Layed around house for year. Will not discuss, says i won't let go of past and trust him gets angry calls me paranoid and obsessed. I have no proof all vague and ambiguous information.??
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drugs, infidelity, money Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (1 May 2010):
 SeaCalm is correct that "it's time for you to decide what you want and how you want to be treated in a relationship." It's your choice. No one has the right to treat you less than what you choose. This is how you protect your self-esteem, is by weeding out those you do not have enough respect for you to treat you as you choose to be treated. That's not to say, overdoing it. I saw Paris Hilton's mini mansion, and by it's decor, I wouldn't put it past her to have her boyfriend's curtsy in her presence. Although that would be overboard, in an strange way, she'd be demanding how she is to be treated.
You need to remember this, that true love does not include being treated less than how you deserve to be treated.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe songs were on the radio about new girlfriends the music was hard metal, I can't figure out what they say lol,
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (1 May 2010):
I'd say it sounds as if he is. Cheaters generally come back and accuse their partner as well, which is interesting when you don't show any signs that can point toward that conclusion. And what past is it that you won't let go of? His cheating past that he still won't admit to? If it is, that comment is a confession.
Make a list, such as you put here. Each to be explained. If not cheating then why, ............., where ..............is a behavior found in those who cheat. Why is his .......... different? Not paranoia, only the facts.
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A
female
reader, SeaCalm +, writes (1 May 2010):
Dear 'Going Back For More'.....I think you can answer the question yourself as to what you should do to be honest...how long would you like to carry on and go through this?.......not to demean how you feel but i think self-esteem has alot to do with this situation..it would be good if you have a friend with which you could discuss how you feel..and start looking after you..devise a plan where you can get what you want out of life for yourself and children if there are any i'm assuming there are after 23 years!drugs, bars are not a real excuse for his behaviour if his answers are leaving you dissatisfied, it's time for you to decide what you want and how you want to be treated in a relationship.
Good Luck
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