A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi There. I need advice on my relationship as after a year and a half together I am feeling terribly insecure in my relationship.My boyfriend of over a year and a half has never given me a reason to doubt that he is faithful and is very loving and caring. However lately I've been getting the feeling, that he is losing interest or getting bored with me. I guess it is normal in a relationship for the initial behaviour to settle down, but lately it feels as though he's not that excited to be around me anymore... we see eachother often but only when convenient, no more late night phone calls or anything out of the ordinary - he is very quick to tell me if I'm doing something that irritates him and seems less interested in Sex (we still have it, but not as often and not initiated by him) He is not an emotionally expressive person and very guarded with his feelings. He says that he loves me all the time, but finds it hard to give me compliments or say anything that involves feelings. That was okay with me, but now that the 'honeymoon' period is quietening down I find it very difficult to remain secure as his obvious attraction isn't there anymore, and he doesn't express his feelings in any other ways. I have spoken to him about it, but because i'm so sensitive about it we end up in an argument and he gets angry for accusing him that he doesn't care, when actually I am only asking him that if he does care, to show it more or at least let me know what i can do to get him to be more interested. I really hate feeling like this and my self esteem is at an all time low. If he really cares as much as he says he does? then why is it so hard to show me. I am a very emotionally expressive person and I need someone that I can connect to. He says that I know he loves me, why isn't that enough? But i can't help thinking that that is not enough and I need more. Am I overreacting? Is it unreasonable for me to ask him... How can i help him to be more open? or if i need to change and be more accepting then how can I be happy without feeling so insecure? thanks
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insecure, period, self esteem Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (13 August 2007):
 Hi
I think you hit the nail on the head with the 'honeymoon period' bit.
Its normal between 18 months & 2 years for that period to change into something more settled. Not all relationships can survive this because its about the time someone that gets bored easily, moves onto someone new. But your guy has told you he loves you & admits hes not too good at expressing this.
Some people just aren't very tactile at all. You either need to accept hes one of these people or move on & find someone that is. But if you love the guy, accepting it would be a better option.
How you do that, hmmmm i dont know. Understanding the honeymoon period & when it tends to end & change into something more 'comfortable' if thats the right word, is a good start.
Everyone needs to keep a bit of spark there and work at making it more exciting. It takes effort but thats what needs to be done. I would give him a little time, if you have been arguing about it, then suggest you spice things up a bit & talk about what that could be.
What about meeting up in a pub. Pretending you have never met before. He gets there first, you walk in, eye contact, go chat HIM up. Exchange numbers. Lots of flirting. No mention of anything you both know about each other, then take him home for the night!?
Me & an ex were going to try that one but never got round to it. I think that would be kinda fun!
C xxxxx
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