A
female
age
36-40,
*iX-bAbY
writes:I dont really know where to start.... Basically i just want to know if i should move on from my ex?.. To cut a long story short; we went out for 18 months, we lived together, engaged etc, then i got a text from a guy in my past, i told this guy i wasnt interested...i didnt tell my ex as i knew it would cause arguments, then he found out and ended it as he said he didnt trust me and for all he knew i could have been texting this other guy again and not telling him.When we split up he was real nasty, saying he hated me, didnt wanna c me agin etc; so a month after the break up i met a new guy and i didnt contact my ex for over a week (big acheivment for me)!! I then got in touch with him and he said he wanted to try again so i finished with the other guy...I found out that my ex had been kissing someone i hate during the break up so i came clean and said id slept with the new guy.. then he broke up with me...He continued to want to sleep with me but whenever i asked if he wanted to get back together he said i dont know.. so i got mad and said 'so im gud enough to sleep with but not to have a relationship with' etc; and called him a user and i said dont contact me until you know what u want...Then yesterday we met up to watch a film, he was soo nice to me, which recently he hasnt been and we ended up sleeping together, when i got home i rang him to ask what happened next with us and he says that when he found out id slept with someone (when we broke up) that everytime hes with me, he keeps imagining me with the other guy...He says this really hurts him and if he gets back with me hes scared il go off with someone else, i reassured him that it wouldnt happen (ive never cheated) but i basically got my answer 'im not sure if i want a relationship with u, uv put me off girlfriends for life'...I said ok im gutted but thanx for being honest with me, i'll not ask you out again, now i know where i stand. he then says 'you never know, i might change my mind one day', so i said its ok theres no need cause i know deep down, that he probably wont change his mind.. even though i would love to work stuff out, he was like my best friend...Sorry for the long post, but i really wanna know whether i sould just try be there as a friend 'which would really hurt as i love him loads' and take stuff slow and hope he realises he wants to be with me, or should i just move on? i just dont wanna meet someone else incase he decides he wants to be with me!! (im so stupid sometimes)...So if anyones got any ideas or advice good or bad then i would really like to hear it. Thanx for reading xx
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female
reader, Sassy7613  +, writes (13 August 2007):
I agree with all the posts...he knows you're waiting and that's not attractive to men...you need to move on and show him you deserve someone who will treat you right and be with you all the time...also, it's not a bad thing to be alone for awhile to make sure you know who you are and exactly what you want in a man. Sounds like to me you've altered that a bit since the beginning with this guy.
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (13 August 2007):
 Hi
Um Happytochat, if you think someone has lied to you, you will say you hate them & dont want anything to do with them, i know, ive done it myself recently lol
Im 36 & can be immature but i dont think saying you hate someone because they basically lived a lie (in your eyes) and led you down the garden path, is immature. I really do hate my ex. He strung us along (ive got 2 kids that adored his daughter) & wasnt basically the person that he put across to us. So no, i dont wish to see him again.
But i think this poster here does need to move on from the ex. He wont ever trust her, she will always be walking on egg shells & it will be a nightmare.
If someone keeps things from you, sometimes you just cant be with someone like that. I know i cant. It does sound unforgiving but we are all different with what we find acceptable & what we can live with, its our right, we deserve someone we are comfortable with & if we dont feel we can ever trust someone, its selling yourself short. There are plenty of people we will trust. Its all about compatibility.
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (13 August 2007):
If I was you I would try to move on from your ex. My reasons for saying that is because firstly, he sounds like he has a lot of issues- trust issues and insecurities. You cant be in a healthy, well working relationship with somoene when they have issues like that. So he would need to work through them first before commiting to you, if you guys wanted it to work.
And do u really want to be in a relationship with a guy who seems to be so immature that when he isnt happy, he starts saying nasty things? No matter how mad or hurt he is, he should have still have respect for you and not say un called for nasty things. There are ways to get your feelings across without being nasty.
Also, the point that he had sex with you, when he knew he wasnt sure of what he wanted, just makes him seem like not so much of a good guy. Do you want to be with someone who has sex with you when they dont have intentions of being in a relationship wtih you?
I would say, start fresh. This guy seems to want you to wait for him, but I dont think youshoudl.
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A
female
reader, bumblebee21 +, writes (13 August 2007):
I've been in a simalar situation before and the simple answer that i could give you would be to get out! I have now met a wonderful man who i am very happy with. He's obviously just using you when ever he is bored. you will never find mr. right when you are hanging around waiting for him. He knows that you will be there whenever he wants you so he will keep you hanging on for as long as he can. I know i's hard because you love him but you need to move on.
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