A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi...My boyfriend courted me for almost three months (said he's okay with it and he's glad to wait). I told him that if he ever break my trust, I'd break up with him. I also told him that I don't want to break my family's reputation because my father is one of the head of a religious organization. He said he'd never do that and so, we officially became a couple on the day of my birthday. Well, everything went well, as expected but I begin to have my doubts.It started when we had a sleepover at our house. I had a couple of drinks with some of my friends, and eventually I became lightheaded and dizzy. Well, i'm not drunk though, but, I went ahead to sleep. My boyfriend joined me and gave me a massage(he did not drink coz he does not drink) and I fell asleep instantly. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling that my boyfriend is hugging me. Well, i did not mind coz he is a hugger. But things kind of get out of control when he moved his hands up to my chest. Then he keep's on pressing his hips on my butt (thinking I was asleep). I was so surprised because I thought he was not that kind of person. He did it even though we have children sleeping with us. I feel so down. I mean, i think he masturbated on me thinking I was asleep! What do you think of that kind of guy? Should I confront him? Should I continue to date him? thank you... just want your opinions.....
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female
reader, malletchick76  +, writes (25 February 2012):
 He probably was having a wet dream and wasn't fully conscious. Ask him if he remembers, and if he does, talk about it. Don't throw him out just yet.
Keep the faith :)
A
male
reader, Masterofpuppets +, writes (23 February 2012):
 Ask him about what really went on and then make A decision. Men are kind of easily aroused that's normal, the fact that there were kids in bed with you makes me think that he wasn't using common sense or he in fact was dreaming . I personally have never had A wet dream while sleeping next to A woman and if I was initiating something I knew what I was doing
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2012): You are holding your boyfriend to higher standards than yourself! It's your family's reputation you want to protect so why are you getting drunk, passing out, and having your boyfriend in your bed?!
My advice is to practice what you preach. I would stop drinking and definitely stop inviting men into your bed until you are ready for a physical relationship.
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A
male
reader, landomando +, writes (22 February 2012):
I think maybe he wanted you to wake up and maybe he was trying to turn you on.. despite being kids in the room i know i have done it with my past gf on her couch, under the cover with her whole family in the kitchen directly behind the couch. You woke up in the middle of the night and everyone was asleep so he probably wanted to see if he could idk make a move.... OOO and was he even up? because I know that i have started to hug my gf when she was asleep and moved my hand to her chest( like your bf did) and kinda had like a wet dream thing. if you know what i mean, where u dont really know your doing it, but your dreaming and asleep... Possibility?For your questions, I think it is a normal thing to do.. i mean you to are in bed. and in a relationship..maybe ask him but dont be mean because well its kinda not a big deal. your dating. he likes you. he waited 3 months.. what he did was like idk a complement because he is so attrated to you and likes you. that he wants to be with you and isnt in it for just sex because he is waiting, but at the same time he is so attracted to you he wants to.. soooo he got off when you were asleep.. a lil creepy thinking of it like that but at least hes respecting your waiting :/If you break up with him because he did that i think it is kind of silly because it shows he is attracted to you(and he waited 3 months). If u wanted him to stop and he didnt then you should probably figure that out.. but you were awake and u didnt say stop so really it didnt bother you, at least not that much. Once again what someone previously stated we dont know your culture or your relationship status but to be honest doesnt seem like what he did was bad. idk just my opinion! Good luck!!!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (21 February 2012):
 If you don't want a guy to be sexual with you, never get into bed with him, don't sleep next to him, even if there are a million people in the room. Men and women are different, he could have been half asleep and aroused and not even knowing what he was doing. Men have erections and "wet dreams", they don't plan them, they are sleeping, their bodies can react like this naturally. That's why you don't get teenage brothers and sisters sharing a bed. Only hug your boyfriend when other people are around and both of you are awake and standing up.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2012): This is not ok- he is definitely creepy. I hope your drink wasn't spiked. Using someone's body to get off while they're asleep is creepy imo- whether they're you're gf/bf or not. If someone is asleep you don't have consent for sex- waking someone up is another story.
Why didn't you tell him to stop when you woke up? If you don't want sexual contact with him or other men, don't sleep with them period. Sleep in separate rooms and lock the door if you must have sleep overs. Someone who respects you won't do that to you period though.
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A
male
reader, dreamstar72 +, writes (21 February 2012):
I just curious as to what type of religion u practice. Its ok to underage drink, ok to allow a make out session on your bed in your fathers house, allow children to be with u. Then complain because your boyfriend got to excited. If I was your boyfriend I would run for the hills. BTW I like the religious style U have.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2012): "What do you think of that kind of guy?"
Pretty average really, a normal guy who did something he shouldn't have when in bed with you. You can't lead a horse to water and then complain if it decides to drink. I'm not saying it's right but if you don't want this kind of thing then don't go to bed with him. It's that simple. Most guys will make a move on you in bed OP and most will find it very hard to resist when their girlfriend is just lying there next to them.
I have on more than one occasion used my girlfriend to get off while she was asleep and have also woken up more than once to my girlfriend using me for the same thing. What do you think couples do in bed OP? Just lie there and talk, hug with no sexual intimacy ever?
I have a friend who is a devout Catholic, she's waiting until marriage before she has sex and won't even do other sexual things with guys that involve any genital contact. Yet she may end up kissing a guy in a club then going to bed with him. She just wants to cuddle and hug but instead she has to fight every single one of those guys off from trying to go too far. Yet she still does it, she still takes those guys to bed. Guys who are pushy and persistent while she's awake and she has no idea what they do while she's asleep, yet she still doesn't understand the concept that just because she should be able to bring a guy back and for him to respect her wishes while in bed that it's just not going to happen that way.
I think your situation is the same in some respects. You're an idiot if you think you can keep going to bed with this guy and think he's not going to be sexual with you.
Also he has now shown that he is not okay with waiting OP. he said he is but this proves he's not doesn't it? He knew you wouldn't let him do this while awake so he waited until you were asleep, I don't need to tell you what that means, morally or legally.
OP he did all this while there were children present too, so he's a sick bastard.
There is no talking to this guy, he'll just lie again. He'll say it was a mistake and he couldn't help himself. Don't make what I said above into a reason for letting him off the hook. He has proven that not only does he not care if there are kids around but he doesn't care if you want to or not he'll just wait until you're asleep. You can't trust this guy, he lied to you and used you to get off.
For the future OP take heed of what I said at the start of this post.Unfortunately for my friend if she keeps doing what she's doing and behaving that way, she will either make a drunken mistake or she'll eventually end up with a guy who won't take no for an answer. This kind of circumstance is the most common for sexual assault and it's also the hardest to prove/has the lowest conviction rate.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 February 2012):
 I think he was horny and had little common sense.
You need to talk to him about it, see what he says.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (21 February 2012):
 I think it largely depends on whether he intended for you to wake up or intended for you to sleep through it. Groping someone while they sleep (and hoping they won't wake up) is not OK. But groping someone to wake them up to fool around is pretty normal. It sounds like the former. You should ask him about it and decide from his reaction what you want to do.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 February 2012):
 Confront him. Talk about it. Decide for yourself if you think this was crossing the line, because you decide where the line is. Personally I do not understand the Philippine culture enough to say anything about if this was bad or ok behaviour. In Norway this would just be a typical horny guys behaviour.
Have you told him he is not allowed to touch your chest? Has he never touched it before? Have you never cuddled before, how intimate are you usually? I don't know enough about either your culture or your relationship to say if this was crossing the line. So you need to make up your own mind on this one.
Personally I would love it if I woke up to a boyfriend hugging me, pressing up against me and grabbing at me.
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