A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So my ex and I broke up in really bad terms almost 2 months ago. It was a turbulent relationship, and I found out he served me white lies during the 2 years together ( which was a big shock to me and betrayal). I took revenge (not thinking straight)by confronting his parents, spelling the beans to all the people involved, making him look like a mug ( i showed his parents his courting emails in which he deludes me and badmouths the supposed cause for all our relationhsip troubles -his family ). During these 2 months, I had to have an abortion, since I was so shocked and betrayed; he actually said he wants everything to do with the baby, but nothing with me. I told him in an email I had an abortion.Now, he has alwasy been the one to not deal with conflicts well. Whenever we had a disagreement, he either broke up or sulked and withdrew. But this time.. he told me he dumped me.I know his password to his email address- or one of his- the one used for ONLY our communication, no other email comes there.... I have been sending occasionally one-line emails, part of my healing process. To my surprise, he read them all, he went and still goes there regularly to check them, but in real life, the stir our break up caused probably makes him keep hidden; knowing he reads my emails (again, he has no other reason to visit that address but to hear from me), did not help me break contact completely; until 2 days ago, I realised I am actually giving him satisfaction and make it easy for him if he knows I am still thinking of him; so in a way the power is in my hands, and I stopped emailing him there, where he probably expects to get my emails. He gets lots of junkmail in that address, and my emails only. He only opens my emails.I know from a past experience when I dumped someone and wanted nothing to do with them, I wouldn't even open their emails, I did not want to know about them. But my ex still checked mine.. still went there regularly......... my mails have all been consistent on the line that I miss him, I forgive him,I realise he abused me, and I am moving on, but I am still overwhelmed with the shock of this breakup that happened so out of the blue for me. No begging, no abusing, no accusing from my part.Do you think he still cares about me, and if I keep absolute no contact, he will miss me? ...meanwhile... I am actually getting a life, looking hard for myself and making new friends, going out.. It is weird, I am discovering a side of me I only had glimpses of when i was very young: independent, self- suficient, able to find joy in little things.BUT...!!! BUT....I love my ex deeply, and hope one day he will come back, albeit a person with a plan , and changed for the better(more emotionally stabke etc); do you think my NC will help?btw.. he was abused as a child, and he told only me. that expleins most of his imature behaviour and inability of communication from his side. I believe he is still not able to forgibveme for 'betraying ' him and spellin ghte beans to his family.please tell me what you think?
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abortion, broke up, my ex, revenge Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt is starting to dawn on me... maybe he didnt love me as much as I thought he did? ALthough i didnt see the breakup comin ( one week we were making plans for the baby, madly inlove), and next week he dumnps me. After keeping away from me for 2 months now..maybe his feelings werent all that spoecial all the time?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you rugmonkey and Hannan.... I guess Hannan you have a more realistic perspective.. This guy has really led me on although he was not cheating with another women, he concealed things from me and fed me an invented picture.. In a way I am glad I exploded luke this and I found out exactly where I stand, thankfully without children on my
lap to take care of.
Rugmonkey, I will take ur advice, I am not ready myself to get back together with him now but I want to, in the future, as I know he is the only one able to connect with me the way I want/ need... I actually don't see any way out of this, unless he comes back appologising etc; but I know he is human albeit a pretty damaged soul so it's too much to expect from him to save us; and I think were it for him to beg me back and to be absolutely positive about us, maybe I won't be able to trust him anymore and to let go of my resentment for the pain he caused me, not anytime soon.
I hope he misses me;
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A
male
reader, rugmonkey  +, writes (7 July 2009):
Wow, it sounds like you two have been through a lot together. I feel like the best thing you can do right now is to try and think about anything but this relationship. You won't be able to get back together anytime soon, too much has been said and done. If you want to have any hope of a reunion, go your separate ways - continued contact will only hurt you both more and make the damage irreparable.But yeah, he misses you. He's probably also really angry with you. And well, a swirl of other emotions too. But they're all part of his healing process - don't read too much into them.
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A
female
reader, Hannan  +, writes (7 July 2009):
I guess u have 2 move on.He will do the same things again.I guess u don't want a broken home in future.
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