A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Sorry that this is kinda long, but I think the back story is relevant...So I've been dating this guy for about seven months and 99.9% of the time he is really sweet and really good to me. But there are these little things.I'm 5'7" 148 lbs. Not a stick, but not fat either (my BMI falls under "normal") and most people don't even believe I weigh this much when I tell them. I work in a pretty physical job so it helps me to have a little extra weight behind me when I lift and move things. I'm usually pretty secure about my body but some little things my boyfriend says and does are starting to get to me. (For the record, I have *NOT* gained weight since I met him.)It's a long story short as to how the subject came up, but yesterday night he told me that if I wanted to be a stripper I'd have to lose 15 to 20 pounds. I don't want to be a stripper and I didn't bring up the subject (of strippers). I think it was supposed to be a compliment, as in, "You have a pretty enough face to make money in that industry, but you would need to lose some weight to have the body for it." I'm really not sure.Anyway, I was pretty pissed, as this is the latest in a little series of indicators from him that I should lose weight. He's compared my booty to a "Christmas ham" in the past, and one time I was eating sorbet (fat free) and he actually took the container away from me. He doesn't understand why I was/am mad about this stuff. This is a sore subject with me as I WAS overweight when I was a kid and family members used to comment on it (my own dad once referred to me as a "fat b*tch"). This is not something you tell a 12-year-old girl unless you want her to have serious body issues for the rest of her life, and here they are.I now abstain from fast food and run at least five miles a day, and I don't think I should have to take these comments from my boyfriend when I have, in my eyes, corrected the problem. My question is, am I overreacting by being mad at him? Is this something I should expect him to keep doing, even though I've communicated that I don't appreciate it? I'd especially appreciate input from the guys so I can get an idea of what he's thinking when he says stuff like this. Thanks!!
View related questions:
lose weight, money, overweight, stripper Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): Maybe he watches too much porn or goes to strip clubs more often and wants to have the idealistic girl in his eyes. Or he just wants you to strip for him. Maybe he doesn't find you physically attractive anymore.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (3 May 2009):
 "You have a pretty enough face to make money in that industry, but you would need to lose some weight to have the body for it."
That is a compliment? And it works. Good! I never know how to come up with them myself. Let me try it at once.
*some time later, in a much higher voice"
Well that is going to leave a mark. OUCH!
Sorry, but that "compliment" sucks. If that is the best he can do then you can do better.
satindesire got it right. Just out of the blue he says ""if you want to be a stripper you got to loose 20 pounds"? Is he suicidal?
All joking aside, I think this guy has issues. Not just that he apparently wants to date a skeleton but that he apparently thinks it is all right to call you fat and attempt to control your diet.
To me that doesn't sound good. He either doesn't care about your feelings or has never grown to realise other people have feelings. That he seeks to control what you eat. Oh boy. That ain't good. Maybe I am to alarmist but abusers often seek ways to control their victim. Limiting who they can see, cutting their financial freedom and dictating how they should life. BINGO!
I might be leaping to conclusions, but describing a boy as nice 99.9% of the time except for these couple of little issues (which by the way show that you need to brush up on your math) is in my experience usually the start of describing an abusive relationship.
You are a normal weight for your height, you are taking care of your health and even if you were a bit overweight, doctors put you on diets, not boyfriends.
Lets just hope he is a just a jerk and not a wannabe control freak in training.
...............................
A
male
reader, expert advice  +, writes (3 May 2009):
 a small and short advice-if he(boyfriend)tells you a fat bitch or some bad comment,then use ur body-not for sex but for boxing-just punch him and kick him and beat him till he says sorry and makes sure that he never repeats that mistake again.....else dump him or ditch him and search a boyfriend who physically equals you....that would be much better....
...............................
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (3 May 2009):
 I'm not a guy, but I can tell you this - my guy wouldn't say something like that to me if he knew what was good for him!! And I'm usually not a threatening kind of gal! Your boyfriend suffers from serious insensitivity. The only thing that I would let go is the "Christmas Ham" thing, because I think it's more of a compliment (are not hams juicy and delicious?) and not to mention, he gets points for creativity. But the stripper comment?? MAN! Low blow (and probably completely untrue).
It is something to dump him over? No. But is it something to make him sit in the doghouse for a little while over? I would say so. I think you should really explain to him why comments like that upset you so much and how much it hurts you when he says such insensitive things.
Good luck, girl!
...............................
A
female
reader, niki20 +, writes (3 May 2009):
 i would be pissed to. you should be mad at him. you have a right and i dont think hell change, its his way to say that he doesnt feel happy w/your body. thats just my opinion
...............................
|
