A
female
age
36-40,
*orever_His
writes:So it's been 5 months since my boyfriend and I got back together. Things are good, but could be better. Well a month ago, his son's mother came back into the picture. She finally decided that she would allow my boyfriend to be in his son's life almost 2 years later. This child now has special needs, he's not retarded or anything, but a very hyper child who hurts himself. He is going on 3 yrs old. Well my boyfriend and her have been talking alot, I understand they've been talking about their child, but he told me a few weeks ago he had somethin to tell me that he couldn't keep from me. She told him she's falling in love with him again. She also has another child with another man with whom she has loved since she was 13. Now, this past weekend this woman has brought their child down for my boyfriend to spend some time with, which is fine. But here is the issue, they have spent 2 days together with their child, spent the night in a hotel room together, Let me reassure you that my boyfriend says he loves me and that he doesn't want to be with her but that he wanted to see his child. And in order for him to spend time with him, he has had to spend time with her as well. The bad thing in all of this is that I'm not really allowed to have any contact with my boyfriend while she is around this weekend. Now am I wrong for getting upset and not wanting my boyfriend to spend the nights in a hotel with this woman, although there are 2 beds. I do not trust this girl. Should I trust in him though? We texted this morning, and he said I love you. so should i worry?
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female
reader, Forever_His +, writes (4 May 2009):
Forever_His is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI feel like all she is doing is trying to get him back. I see him hurt now because he wants his son, but he wants to be with me too. He feels like the only way he could actually see his son 24/7 is if he were with her. He doesn't want to be if he doesn't have to be, he has told me that so many times. The only reason that he can't be alone with his son is because she doesn't trust him enough to be alone with him. I just have like this guilt trip hanging over me now, because I feel like I'm in the wrong for loving my boyfriend, and it's like she's makin me out to be the bad one because I'm keeping him away from his son. She wouldn't allow him any contact with his child. She now will not allow her other baby's father to have contact with their child. He feels like he has to go be with her to have his son, but am I wrong for not wanting to lose my boyfriend. I was told that he would go back to her only for his son. I just want to be with this man for the rest of my life, I love him too much to just let him go.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): ok, you need to get your facts straight. When a guy has a child with another woman, an order of protection would restrict his contact with his ex but not the child. It is clearly stated in the order! You need to look at one. The child then is escorted to another location for pick up and drop off during visitation. Most visitation orders are unsupervised. Meaning that he can pick up his child, spend some time the child only and drop off at a court ordered location. This is how it works because I went through this. So he is giving you a lot excuses to be with her. And it's not about what his ex wants, if he truly loves you and respects you, he would not be using excuses to spend time with her too.He has a word in this and it seems like he is not standing up for you. I have a feeling he is seeing his ex while being with you. It happens most of the time. If you decide to remain in this situation, you would have to spend most of your time struggling between them, asking yourself if they're together when he goes to see his child, like a watch dog. Get it straight, a man does not have to be ATTAINED to his ex just to see his son, because the courts give fathers more than enough freedom to claim paternal rights! He can even file for joint custudy, unsupervised visitation where the child can stay with him (at his home) for an entire weekend! He must know this, but.....as I told you before he is taking advantage of the situation and sharing his time with the ex.It happened to me. I was the ex who knew about the other woman. I accepted my ex like that and we went out behind her back. Little did she know when I confronted her, I told her it wouldn't stop. If I have the opportunity to be with my ex, then I will. Most ex wives don't really care because we have nothing to loose. Her life is miserable, everytime my ex comes to see his son, we see each other and the sparks starts to fly. I could only imagine how she feels at home waiting for him to come back.
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A
female
reader, Forever_His +, writes (3 May 2009):
Forever_His is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe has to spend time with her too because there were things that happened between him and her and she placed an order of protection against my boyfriend. He was not allowed to have any contact whatsoever with her. Even if he wanted to, he couldn't be around his child because of order or protection. I don't like the fact that he had to stay with her and the day she came down(she lives like 4 hours away), he told me everything would be alright. We kissed and hugged b4 he left to go, but I'm just scared to lose him again. We have been together for almost 2 yrs and I'm not about to just throw my relationship down the drain because all of a sudden she wants him back. And like I said she had another child with someone else, just turned a year old a week ago. Why can't she want her family with this other guy, but still allow my boyfriend to see his son without her around
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A
female
reader, niki20 +, writes (3 May 2009):
 i would ask him to go to coirt and get proper visitation rights. why does he have to be with her? that doesnt seem right. they deserve proper visitation as father and son, his ex really is not allowed to cut his contact like that, not allowed to make him stay w/her. i would say thay you have a right to be fishy about her, she seems like she is trying to steal him, but he sounds good, i wouldnt worry about him but the power of holding when he can/ or if he can see his son is powerful,
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): I think there is some room to worry. My ex cheated on his new girl with me (the ex wife). In some cases, old feelings remain especially when there's a child involved. It all depends on the man. If he's trustworthy or not. I disagree with him when he told you that he has to spend time with his ex in order to be his son. In order to be with his, she does have to be included. My ex husband used the courts and later confessed he did it to be closer to me. I'm the ex wife and sometimes, ex wives are not easily forgotten. My ex might be seeing his new fling but he tried so bad to see me behind her back. It all depends.
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