A
female
age
30-35,
*heunrelenting
writes: Am I trying too hard? Okay, I have major trust issues--so much to the point I never liked anyone who showed me too much affection, I saw it as clingy. Even though I'm very emotionally needy. Heard of abandoholism? Anyways, I finally decided to let my guard down and face my fear and found I actually liked someone who really liked me....or so they said. Abruptly they changed their mind, but still are saying they [he] just has trust issues and still likes me..then back to why can't we be friends for now?...but I just found out he started acting differently around the time he stole $200 from me, now any normal person wouldn't like someone like this, right? But I'm into psychology a lot and I theorized he 'changed his mind' as a defense against feeling guilty. I told him I'd be willing to forgive him, but he has to prove he's worth it.He's doing a really bad job. Part of me wants to just chalk it up to I chose the wrong person to finally let my wall down with and I will forever be scarred, but part of me believes he is just acting out a defense mechanism...because he looked sincerely upset but continues to neglect me, even though he can't read my mind. Communication help, please? Or not worth it? He gave me a comfort no one else had and now he's robbed me of it. What do I do? Also, it doesn't help I'm technically living there because I'm homeless and he begged me to stay, in the beginning when he actually liked me...if he did. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 March 2012):
 I have a degree in psychology. Your theory is bogus. That part of you that says you choose the wrong person is correct. He STOLE $200 dollars from you? What are you doing to get your money back?
What changes have YOU made to protect yourself and your funds from this person? HOW did he get this money?
Get your money back if possible and get out….
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012): You may be into psychology, but you have a helluva lot to learn about human nature - your own included. He stole from you. He's a bum. Ditch him. Very simple.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (27 March 2012):
 When a relationship or an incident takes about 5 column-inches to desribe and assess it.... then that relationship or incident really isn't worth the agony of continuing it....
Cindy is correct: sometimes a cigar really IS just a cigar.....
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (27 March 2012):
 If you are a psychology buff, you'll know the famous Freud quote " sometimes a cigar is just a cigar "..:) Meaning, keep it real. Yes, we do live in an universe of signs and symbols, where every action has a conscious motivation AND a subconscious one, where every text has a subtext etc. etc..... but we have to keep this into account ONLY when it 's useful, when it serves a scope.
Sometimes ( often ! ) it's simpler, and more effective , to take things at face value and deal with them on the rational plan only.
Like : he stole 200 USD. from you ? Then he's a thief, and he damaged you. You don't want to associate with a thief who damages you, - or, if you WANT that, you
need to change your mind, because this kind of self damaging wants are irrational , dysfunctional and socially inappropriate. So, he needs to go. It's that simple. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
Who cares WHY ? If someone mistreats you , it's not your concern you to found out if the mistreatment comes from deep seated issues from his past,- that's for his shrink to find out,just in case. Your job is not to psychoanalize him, your job is make sure you don't let him mistreat you !
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