A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:a guy ive worked with the last 18 months is changing to a new team in 2 days.we've had a massive falling out. when he started we got on amazingly well and i was-still am very fond of him. ive helped him with personal trauma, hes borrowed money-never returned it, rarely pays at break and has lied about too many things to mention yet acts like he speaks the truth.hes become very arrogant and cocky over time and ive had enough half of me wants to see the back of him, half is hurt to the hilt yet hes just said a brief sorry for the way he spoke to me the other day yet is oblivious to everything else hes done.im so hurt he hasnt even done anything. what should i do ?
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female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (6 January 2011):
 Well you could simply ask him to lunch and tell him straight up about what he did that bothered you and then ask him if you guys can get back to a better time and mend the damage. But be prepared for his cocky ego to get in the way and further cause you pain. Not only that, but you need to figure out a way to deal with your feelings because this guy could very well end up getting promoted to a manager or supervisor position and end up being your boss. So whatever you do, don't burn any bridges no matter how cocky he becomes. Just chalk it up to a lesson learned and move on the best way you can. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): thanks guys and ceberus i see your point. i just wanted to believe he was good. sadly i was wrong but good advice from you hun thanku xx and ever1 else
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): Do nothing, the guy is a leech, he's transferring to a new team in a couple of days, problem solved. Stay away from the fool.
I hate to break it to you, but it's not really him that hurt you, it's you that hurt you. This feeling of hurt is all your own fault. Once is his fault, all the rest is you allowing him to. Now you want him to feel bad for doing all this, why? So you can square the blame on him instead of taking responsibility for this yourself? Not going to happen.
The first lie, non-repaid debt or never paying for anything should have been enough of a hint for you to not let this guy use you yet you still let him. Chalk this down as a lesson learned. He only did that stuff because you were willing to let him. Please don't be one of these eternally hurt "I want to believe there's good in all people" people. All people that believe that end up getting used their whole lives.
You need to toughen up a bit and not let yourself be peoples doormat. It's good to be to people, but only to GOOD people. You allow a couple of mistakes and that's it, no more. You lend someone money and they don't repay, they're gone, you pay for lunch more than once, then you ask them to pay, they don't then you buy only your own.
Please reread your question from the perspective that I just gave you, how does it look? In my opinion you have nothing to complain about because that's all you're doing is complaining, you've actually done nothing but let him walk all over you.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (6 January 2011):
 Sadly you have just met an arrogant user. It is a horrible lesson to learn, but this man was conning you. And it makes you sick to the stomach. A long time ago I learnt your lesson. And the fact that the person borrowing treats one with complete rude distain and even nasty abuse when one nicely reminds them that the debt is still outstanding. It made me resolve to never lend money ever again. It was not worth the aggression one faced for daring to ask for repayment of the long outstanding debt.
Don't bad mouth him to colleagues as he is likely to be very manipulative and convincing as a persuasive liar. He will try it with other people. He is a very bad egg with no qualms whatsover. Your money is probably lost.
What you do nee to guard against is him character assasinating you behind his back. Stay professional and courteous, but do nothing for him that is not work related.
It will not serve you if you try to tell anyone at work. It is your word against his. Nasty people like him 'pick their marks' and choose people they think will be easier to dupe.
This man would probably have no problems denying you ever lent him a dime.
He has all the cunning of a rat and would be just as vicious if cornered.
I once was the manager of a guy like this. And I never trusted this guy, but kept a close eye on him. He kept wanting me to give him a more responsible job, but I felt he was bad news. When I moved on to another place the new manager took his side and gave him a more responsible job. However the guy I never trusted then embezzled over $500,000 from the company. He was arrested when it was found out. Police came and asked me about him. Of course I was shocked about the embezzlement - but I said to the Police that I did not think the jury could be convinced, as he presented as a Botticelli angel to those he wanted to impress. It was a lesson to me to always trust a gut instinct.
Stay away from this employee. He is no friend of yours.
And work on being tougher - when anyone at work wants a loan, please remember that they get paid too. And you are not a bank. If the Bank will not take the risk, then why should you.
I remain very very sad that this man has ripped you off, but unless you have a signed paper agreement between you and him for the amount lent and the amount repaid (or not) then it will never stand up in court. It is a cruel lesson to have to learn, but there is the reality.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): You could find a new friend who doesn't disrespect you and who cares about you? You can't make someone change but you can find better people
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