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female
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*reakdown
writes: I have been married for 10 years my husband is close to 40 years of age, we have 3 kids, of late he has shut me out, tells me i am boring, i must wake up and smell the coffee, when it comes to sex and ask whats wrong i get told i should buy sexier underwear,and i must adjust to his change he is going through, help i need advice as to what to do
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female
reader, immuno +, writes (2 August 2006):
 Hello, my husband is also close to 40 and we are experiencing the same kind of thing. We are both attractive people and we have been married for 20 years. We have 2 children the youngest is 2. Between the kids and the every day routines its sometimes hard to feel sexy, let alone look sexy. We have always had an outstanding sex life until just recently. He is handling it a bit better than your significant other though. I asked him how I could make him feel in the mood again and he said it wasn’t me it was him. He said he still has urges but not as often. His libido has always exceeded mine and I began to worry. He also assured me that I was still very sexy and he would always feel that way, he just felt like he was changing. I began doing research and I realized that this is the time of life when everyone begins to change. Men’s sex drives begin to go down and women’s begin to go up. It is also a time when some medical conditions could begin to surface, such as diabetes, and this could also affect things. If your husband has been a good partner up until now he may be lashing out at you out of fear of these changes, maybe he is not feeling sexy himself. If none of the above factors seem to be contributing then pull out the whips and chains and give him the night of his life. The last comment was mostly for some comic relief (unless your into it) but whatever you do make sure that you get just as much pleasure out of it as he does. I hope that everything works out and you both grow into each other again really soon.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2006): Tell your ungrateful husband of 10 years that you've bared his children and slaved over him (whether you have or not haha)and say if he wants you 2 wear sexy underwear he can get off his lazy arse and go an buy you some! and i wish your husband wouldnt start acting like a middle age woman going through the change!!! and tell him to start treatin you like a princess or you'll go find your lovin' somewhere else haha!!! nah jus jokin bout the last part but sit him down and make him see how ungrateful he is being by sayin something like that to his wonderful wife, who has given him 3 beautiful children.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2006): What change is he going through? the "I've forgotten how to show a women love and respect?" change?
It is him that needs to wake up and smell the coffee; from what you have written he is making a critical (yet very common) error in behaving with you.
Telling you to buy sexier underwear whilst at the same time emotionally closing himself off from you and putting you down with negative comments (You're boring) makes you feel LESS sexy, doesn't it? I can imagine you feel like you are nothing more than something to have sex with; he is giving the impression that he doesn't really care about you; he is more interested in making sure you "look" sexy so that he can be intimate with you.
Your husband needs to understand that to improve your sex life, and to develop a stronger marriage, he needs to do quite the opposite than he is doing now. He needs to involve you with whatever is going on in his head, he needs to show, in no uncertain terms, how much he loves and respects you, and if he can do this I think you will naturally feel sexier, and you'd do little things (buy sexy underwear) to show your appreciation for his love and commitment.
Don't allow him to criticise you; I'm sure you have given a lot to this man, including his three children. You are worth far more than now being told you are boring and unsexy - how ungrateful this man must be.
I suggest you give him a little "space" so that he can adjust to whatever "change" he is going through; but at the same time, sit him down and tell him what YOU want from him to feel sexy and have a happy marriage.
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