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female
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anonymous
writes: What do you do when you've been in a relationship for over two years, yet you suddenly find someone else who you're so incredibly attracted to, that you can't hardly keep yourself away? Does it necessarily mean that I should break up with my current? Does it mean that I should go for the new one? Or should I let it go and stay with the current? I just can't get her off my mind and I don't know what that means. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2006): I honestly believe that is just the fact that you've been involved for such a long period of time. It is completely normal to feel the way you do and everybody will go through it at one time or another. What you need to decide is if the one you are with is somebody you are serious about. If you can't stand the thought of losing her, then a crush on somebody else is something you can work through and is one of many obstacles that a strong relationship can overcome. If thats not the case, get out there and experience something new.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2006): Maybe try and work out what it is exactly that is making you have these feelings. It isn't that this person is just pure amazing and you have some special spark; destined to be together forever, there will be a reason and once you are more clear about what is making you feel the way you do, you will be better able to judge the situation and come to a decision.
For example, perhaps this new women has a lot of character traits that you find lacking in your current partner? Perhaps you feel starved of the romance and initial chemical spark with your them and are more dependant on having that rather than having a relationship based on real love? Perhaps this new person genuingly would make a better partner; more common shared ideals, physical attraction etc. Or maybe this is just a lusting for someone who is physical appealing. Also, try thinking back and working out what has changed in the two years that you have been with this person? Things that you really liked that they did for you, or you did together, but don't do now. Have the little "nice" moments dried up? Maybe you could talk to your partner about this; if things have changed in your relationship, they will probably be aware of it too.
Give it all some thought and I think an answer will come to you. A point to mention though, with two years in to a relationship it's common for commitment to waiver, you might start becoming less close and this in turn allows your eye to wonder on to other people ('what would it like being with them?'). It's perhaps important to recognise this because if you swap partners everytime things get "boring" you'll spend the rest of your life never really commiting to a long-term partner.
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