A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:i am a 45 year old woman. i have been with my 48 year old partner for 24 years. we are both tattooists and have our own business. last dec my partner started acting strangely ie he started going out every fri and sat night (and one night midweek) till after midnite (he says he's going for a drink with the lads), also he goes for a "run" every sat and sun morning. in addition to this we argue a lot more than we did and occasionally I've answered the phone and a woman asks for him then puts the phone down. i suspect that he's having an affair with one of his female clients, but when i ask him he just says that i'm being silly. what do you think i should do?
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female
reader, cocoqueen88  +, writes (5 August 2010):
 Well I really can't tell you what to do because it's your life. but I do suggest that you have an honest convesation with him about where your relationship stands.
It is possible that he is still in love with you but he, as a man, needs sex. you aren't giving it to him and as you stated, because you don't have a desire to have sex.
You have to ask yourself..." Am I OK with him having sex with other people?" If you are, then tell him that and have an open relationship where he gets his physical somewhere but all his emotions are for you. I don't know it would work or not but it's worth a try.
However on the other hand.... if his having sex with other women is destorying you... don't stand for it. He probably won't tell you the truth but his behavior is clear. he's even been caught before. I know how harsh this may sound but this relationship may have run it's course.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmessage for cocoqueen88 - i suspected he was having an affair with a girl called alison a couple of years ago ie he started stopping out till 2am at the weekend etc and i received a anonymous letter sort of confirming my suspicions, but he denied it and i decided to let the matter drop. also i think they had split up anyway cos he was home every night again. but last dec it started up again, but i think its with a different girl this time. what do you think i should do?
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A
female
reader, cocoqueen88 +, writes (4 August 2010):
No it's not conclusive but the odds are not in your favor. if he can still get it up please believe that he's getting his release somewhere. 10 YEARS!! and i really think it's odd that instead of denying it he just tells you you're acting silly. You aren't silly I think you know what's going on here.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo cocoqueen88, so do you think that the fact that we haven't had sex for 10 years is conclusive that he is having an affair?
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A
female
reader, cocoqueen88 +, writes (3 August 2010):
we'll in that case don't fool yourself into thinking that a man that you're married to and haven't had sex with in 10 years isn't cheating. i mean 10 years is a really long time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto the male reader who has just replied to say that maybe some need of my partner's isn't being full filled in the relationship, i would just like to say that we haven't had sex for 10 years. i have colitis and a bad chest and i have no interest in sex whatsoever. so maybe that is why i he is cheating on me (if he is)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 August 2010): You should ask who that woman is. You should tell him you're not being silly, that this is very serious to you and he needs to do more to put you at ease than just say you're silly. You should suggest a date night. There's no reason your husband should go out on Friday and Saturday nights without you. Maybe you can schedule a time to go run together.
If he pushes you away when you try to initiate spending this time together, I'd say the chances are good he is cheating or at the very least, some need of his isn't being filled in the relationship.
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